If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. By the fourth week, I found it tedious.… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Clothing sizes are weird, they go: small, medium, large and then extra large, extra extra large, extra extra extra large. Something happened… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
