Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!" — Henny Youngman Band Copy Share Image
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! — Henny Youngman First time Copy Share Image
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! — Henny Youngman Animal Copy Share Image
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's… — Henny Youngman Beer Copy Share Image
I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've… — Henny Youngman Anniversary Copy Share Image
In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?"… — Henny Youngman Blackouts Copy Share Image
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living." — Henny Youngman Car Copy Share Image
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help… — Henny Youngman Chicken soup Copy Share Image
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I… — Henny Youngman Drunk Copy Share Image
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked? — Henny Youngman Driving Copy Share Image
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him. — Henny Youngman Best friend Copy Share Image
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. — Henny Youngman Marriage Copy Share Image
All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. — Henny Youngman Doe Copy Share Image
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock. — Henny Youngman Clock Copy Share Image
There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate. — Henny Youngman Aspiration Copy Share Image
A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe! — Henny Youngman Blow Copy Share Image
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live. — Henny Youngman Comedy Copy Share Image
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland. — Henny Youngman Basements Copy Share Image
Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it. — Henny Youngman Aim Copy Share Image
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator. — Henny Youngman Escalator Copy Share Image
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn." — Henny Youngman Comedy Copy Share Image
In elementary school, many a true word is spoken in guess. — Henny Youngman Education Copy Share Image
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. — Henny Youngman I love you Copy Share Image
You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler. — Henny Youngman Funny Copy Share Image
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. — Henny Youngman Married Copy Share Image
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny. — Henny Youngman Comedy Copy Share Image
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick". — Henny Youngman Brother Copy Share Image
