“A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people don’t know where money comes from. Even most of our elected officials don’t know. If you were to ask a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basically like a converted closet, only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not rich in paper money, I’m rich in packets of sugar. Actually, I’m richer, because at least the packets of sugar… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The key to getting a discount is timing. Always negotiate on price before you pay.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The first step to running a successful business, is printing out pictures of all the luxury items you’re going to buy once… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant. Now I owe money to the IRS.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With the money I spend on alcohol, I could support a family of four, assuming they are all heavy drinkers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so when you spend less people will be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A speeding fine lets me know it’s OK to break the law, just so long as I’m willing pay money for the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If artists often get famous posthumously, then there is only one thing for me to do—fake my own death. Or I could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For men, money, like sex, is something that nearly everybody wants more of, and unless you are famous or influential, you probably… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all my clones working for me, working for free, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Why does Joe Normie think it’s a litmus test for morality if one returns one’s shopping cart? Big-box stores put out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll give you money to buy what I’m selling, because I’m a savvy salesman.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The picture is bad because the photographer was poor. I took the picture myself, and you can clearly tell I have no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to rail against modern railroad barons, because this is America, and I believe that I too will one day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
