“With sex, I’d recommend practicing a lot. But remember, have fun with it. After all, you do want to get your money’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If Warren Buffet made chocolate, I’ll bet it’d be really rich. And corrupt.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t dress like I have any money. And I don’t have any money, which helps enable me to dress like that.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I had money now. If only I’d saved my allowance growing up, instead of squandering it on balls, balloons, booze,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to be a standup economist, because isn’t money funny? Actually, without gold backing our currency, it’s all funny money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Tanks are so big and expensive they should be Buy One Get One Free. If they were, I’d buy 60 of them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I saw an old guy sleeping, and I thought he was dead. But I kept checking his pockets for money, because it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I opened my wallet and gave him a coupon, hoping he’d open his wallet and give me money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even though I know my own name (barely), I still sometimes write my name wrong. Usually it only happens when I write… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“For men, money, like sex, is something that nearly everybody wants more of, and unless you are famous or influential, you probably… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people don’t know where money comes from. Even most of our elected officials don’t know. If you were to ask a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s been said that you make as much money as the average income of your five closest friends. Well, I have no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I reminded them of Orafoura’s shadow, I’d have a penny more… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were king, I wouldn’t pay you the money I owe you. I’d give you a far more valuable gift: the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m people wealthy. My grandchildren have grandchildren, some of whom are even older than me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had all the money in the world, I’d love seeing my name on billboards, buildings, and battleships. The only thing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Pizza as a reward at work, gotta love it. Personally, I'd rather have that than a raise. Give me a pizza, boss,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“War is fought over futile and feudal things. War is not about ideology, no matter how artfully framed, but it’s simply about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If anger were money, only a fool would greedily save it up. And a wise man would let it slip out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a way for both of us to make money, I’ll hold you hostage, while at the same time, you’ll be holding… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Queen always seemed to me to be manufactured championship music—designed to be played in stadiums to get fans hyped up about paying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so when you spend less people will be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had some emotional issues, so I went to a therapist. And guess what I don’t have now? That’s right, I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll buy your product and then return your product, and tell you to keep my money, so it feels more like a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I heard everything you said, listened to half, and agreed with a quarter. And 12.5% isn’t bad—if you’re collecting that in interest… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If artists often get famous posthumously, then there is only one thing for me to do—fake my own death. Or I could… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t understand why you don’t trust me. It’s not like you have a reason to not trust me. So, lend me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My clones will look like me, and therefore I’ll treat them like myself—starting with spending all their hard-earned money. You can’t love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you have one dollar and I have a hundred dollars, I could say I have a hundred times the amount of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Women won’t sleep with me for the same reason that I don’t pay for sex—I don’t have any money. And if I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to spend money on a wallet, but if I spent money on a wallet, I’d have none left over to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A thank you and a warm smile are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be grown on a tree, much like an apple or money, so that maybe humanity could achieve world peace—starting… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
