“I did a charity walk the other day. They asked for money, and I walked.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popularity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is flowing past you all the time like an invisible breeze. The trick is to get some to slide into your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If financial genius were legs, my girlfriend would own fourteen pairs of Jimmy Choos, and not have a single foot to put… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On a unicycle, my tire will tire before I do. I ride for charity. I’m trying to raise enough money to buy… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This financial crisis in Europe would have left Greece in Ruins, but it’s been that way for 2,000 years.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I found money, I’d turn it in—for the reward. Unless the reward money was less than the value of the money… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is a chameleon. It can transform itself into any representation. Sometimes money looks like a pile of cheeseburgers, and other times… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I could sculpt my shadow into my night clone, and it could be out earning me money while I slept,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As far as how my mom might view me, I can imagine her saying something like this to me: “You may be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My first inclination is to make my business all about me, but my second instinct is to make my business all about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Knowing more people is not important in growing your business. However, more people knowing you is the key to wealth. Be a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Capitalist cycle of profit. The rancher sells a cow for profit. The butcher sells cuts for profit. The restaurant sells meals for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have time to bury the money. All my precious time was taken up burying the body. I should have left… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t need your sympathy, unless it comes in the form of a check or cash. I also accept money orders.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As an extreme method of saving, I’d kidnap myself, if I thought I’d actually pay the ransom money before I committed suicide.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to rail against modern railroad barons, because this is America, and I believe that I too will one day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How to get money: earn it, steal it, borrow it, beg for it, or inherit it. So, who do I have to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have enough money to tip the waitress, so I offered to take her out on a date, provided she paid… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a fact I want to own a factory that makes up facts and figures, and I figure to make a fortune… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The lawyer said he couldn’t take my case, even though I assured him it was stuffed with money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll trade you one dollar for five dollars. What, is my money no good here?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The key to getting a discount is timing. Always negotiate on price before you pay.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“50 bucks sounds fair to me. Especially since I’m not doing anything to earn it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life is struggle. Poor people struggle to get money, and rich people struggle to keep their money.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
