“My parents, both of whom came from impoverished backgrounds and neither of whom had been to college, took the view that my… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
Did you hear this big scandal? Eight female badminton players were expelled from the Olympics for trying to lose on purpose. So… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
BBM for Andriod is the new Google+ account. Everyone wanted it. Everyone got it. And no one has any idea what to… — Tufail Mehraj Copy Share Image
Playing video games, as funny as it might sound, it's a very important part of our day. Our schedule is so hectic,… — Kofi Kingston Copy Share Image
Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight… — Sally Quinn Copy Share Image
“If he can't get to the clock, any idea how we deal with this lot?" "With great care," Donegan suggested. "How about… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
“I had no idea he thought he was funny, tried to be funny, or actually is funny until he made me laugh… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
These guys Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer and Bernie Mac claim they're the Kings of Comedy. They may be funny, but… — Rudy Ray Moore Copy Share Image
“What was that?" Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
To get something you must give something away. To hold something you must give something away. To love something you must give… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
“Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF": “Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy” “Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma.” “But… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
Burning Ants. As a kid: oh, no! the city of Townsville is on Fire! Now: hey! where are you going!? COME AVENGE… — Nutella Umbrella Copy Share Image
The last five years I've really worked on my mental health and seeing a therapist - which, it's so funny cause I… — Jessica Long Copy Share Image
When the Okies left Oklahoma and moved to California, they raised the average intelligence level in both states. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
High school is neither a democracy nor a dictatorship - nor, contrary to popular belief, an anarchic state. High school is a… — John Green Copy Share Image
Bunty is a piglet that comes up with a lot of funny antics. Dancing is among its strengths and I'm glad people… — Ravi Babu Copy Share Image
Things can be funny when people are uneasy. It softens them up and stops them falling asleep on the sofa. I like… — Mark Haddon Copy Share Image
It's funny: not too many people used to think that Brittany was a culinary treasure, but there's such amazing stuff. Beef and… — Dominique Crenn Copy Share Image
None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother… — George Burns Copy Share Image
“If you mean the ease with which you drop coins when you're off a-cunting, you're right. You're a one-man charity ball for… — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
“Weetzie could see him--it was a man, a little man in a turban, with a jewel in his nose, harem pants, and… — Francesca Lia Block Copy Share Image
Sometimes I get super lazy.. its same like normal lazy..its just that I am wearing a cape and a bright underwear. — Asif Copy Share Image
I love actors, and I love the casting process. It's funny, like, some writers don't like actors because, I think, they are… — Bryan Fuller Copy Share Image
Love is a feeling that is really hard to explain, but its the greatest feeling you could ever have. But love could… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If mom was here she would be subtweeting all over the place stuff like : who's gonna buy groceries : who's gonna… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was handsome I would have exactly one dollar...Thanks mom!!!! — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
“Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play… — A.T. Hicks Copy Share Image
My phone is like my lover…its the last thing I see at night , and the first thing I wake up to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wrote the word debauchery, but when I re-read it, I thought I had written douchebaggery. Both words would work... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think what's hysterically funny is a guy who sets himself up as the most confident, everything's-perfect, know-it-all, things-are-swell human being and… — Bob Einstein Copy Share Image
O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was, like, this token teen angst child of Broadway. It's so funny. What is that? I don't even know. But I… — Jennifer Damiano Copy Share Image
“My phone buzzed in the center console again. "What's happening with this thing?" Dad grabbed it. "Dad, really?" I didn't want him… — C.D. Reiss Copy Share Image
Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
“That’s probably the most sincere thing that I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.” Logan lowered his eyes to Tate’s hand.… — Ella Frank Copy Share Image
I always wanted to know how long 'forever' was and by looking at some people's relationships, it's around 3 to 4 weeks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Two whales walked into a bar. One said, Weeeeeeeee-ooooooooo-uuuuuuuuuu-hhhh. The other whale said, Shut up, Steve. You're drunk! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You can't fake comedy. You can't make it look beautiful or put an interesting bit of music on in the background: funny… — Aisling Bea Copy Share Image
“If you tell anyone what I just told you, I’ll call the Mob. I know some of them, you know.” “Bullshit.” I… — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
Memory, like so much else, is unreliable. Not only for what it hides and what it alters, but also for what it… — Anna Funder Copy Share Image
