The idea of me being an icon or something is a very funny thing, just because of my own weird insecurities. But,… — JPEGMAFIA Copy Share Image
“Pritkin, it’s a hotel room, not a death trap!” A glance over his shoulder showed him impatient blue eyes under a fall… — Karen Chance Copy Share Image
In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have… — David Cross Copy Share Image
No, writing musicals is the hardest thing in the world. And it was really funny, because I remember when the South Park… — Trey Parker Copy Share Image
A Belated Teachers' Day Its A Humble Request 80% Of Teachers r Suffering From Throat Pain By Teaching Students. So Plz .… — Sadie Copy Share Image
A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying,… — Gorgeous_girl Copy Share Image
Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“Thank you.” A bright blush stained her cheeks. “For last night. For chasing the monsters away…” “Anytime. It’s kind of my job… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I hear somebody like Hayes Carll write a song that's touching and poignant and sad and funny all at the same… — Jason Isbell Copy Share Image
Size does matter. There's a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things. — Pamela Anderson Copy Share Image
I may not be funny. I may not be a singer. I may not be a damn seamstress. I may have diabetes.… — Justin Johnson Copy Share Image
“Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police… — David Wong Copy Share Image
Thank you for the present you brought I am sure that I'll use it a lot. Cause I always need clothes cause… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Tips to reduce weight: First turn your head to the right, then turn it to the left. Repeat this every time you… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
At school: Man I am so tired. Like seriously, as soon as I get home I am going to sleep. *Gets home*… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I started my own foundation. If you aren't familiar with it, it's called 'Febreezing the homeless.' Who would you rather give money… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
It's funny 'cause the Rhea Ripley that everyone sees, I've looked into that personality so many times before, just at home, in… — Rhea Ripley Copy Share Image
“You love it right?" Lassiter asked, holding his Bible high. "I mean, you told me to go on the internet. I did.… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“In light of all this, we’re now equipped to think about the relationship between laughter and humor. In any given comedic situation,… — Kevin Simler Copy Share Image
I grew up a skinny kid with a funny last name and coke bottle glasses, so I experienced my fair share of… — John Hickenlooper Copy Share Image
They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being… — Jerome K. Jerome Copy Share Image
It is funny how it is almost more painful to fall over and scrape your knee than to be blown up. Your… — Giles Duley Copy Share Image
After more than half a century (Sleeping Beauty), Disney finally know what the meaning of true love (Maleficent). — Alvin Copy Share Image
I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be… — Dorothy Parker Copy Share Image
I was scared by social media - just scared of what I might attract. Once I broke onto that thing, because I… — Juliette Lewis Copy Share Image
When you feel that nobody loves you, that nobody cares, when all you can do is cry and walk away because everyone… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
*A nerdy guys phone goes off* Jock: Who was that, your girlfriend? *Everyone laughs* Nerd: Nope. It was yours. *Dead silence* — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It is funny that people always assume you have a bigger part in a movie than you actually do. I remember a… — Bill Hader Copy Share Image
My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they're like can I have some? I'm like, oh fuck no. What… — Davina Looyen Copy Share Image
I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be… — Mike Birbiglia Copy Share Image
I think I was trying to choose a name for him, and my flatmate was like, 'Oh, you should call him Diana.'… — Emma Corrin Copy Share Image
The whole thing about dating was the scariest thing in the world. And I would tell my friends, 'I'm never going to… — Tina Knowles Copy Share Image
A zero itself is nothing, but without a zero you cannot count anything; therefore, a zero is something, yet zero. — Dalai Lama Copy Share Image
What is disturbing-When you come home and find some one broke into your house. What is amusing- When you come home find… — Joshua Roy Copy Share Image
Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our heart, other people come into our lives and make us want… — Harriet Morgan Copy Share Image
![“They [dogs] never talk about themselves but listen to you while you talk about yourself, and keep up an appearance of being interested in the conversation.” quote by Jerome K. Jerome](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/1c0/jerome-k-jerome-1155_about-yourself_they-dogs-never-talk-about-themselves-bu_76454.jpg)
