David Wong

Cynicism does not cause inaction.

— David Wong

“She burst into snakes.”

— David Wong

When a man plans, a woman laughs.

— David Wong

“...,you bunch of greedy fartsouls.”

— David Wong

“That's what life is. Adjustment.”

— David Wong

Kittens will make your sad go away

— David Wong

“Crotch-punchingly real!”

— David Wong

“Of all the dogs I’ve known in my life, I’ve never seen a better driver.”

— David Wong

“Welcome to Undisclosed. Dreams Interpreted for Beer.”

— David Wong

“I was hammered by either a flying body tackle or an unnecessarily aggressive hug.”

— David Wong

You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

— David Wong

Are the most dangerous creatures the ones that use doors or the ones that don't?

— David Wong

“I’m not crazy,” I said, crazily, to my court-appointed therapist.”

— David Wong

You're the kind of man a man wants when a man wants a man.

— David Wong

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

— David Wong

“Here's the only thing you need to know about John: The reason I was surprised by your hand was because he never…

— David Wong

She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. 'There,'…

— David Wong

“John unzipped the satchel and pulled out a weapon he had made, a Bible wrapped around the end of a baseball bat…

— David Wong

“NO!” he screamed at it. “No! Don’t you see, you dumb son of a bitch? We don’t want to kill you! Can…

— David Wong

“What followed had been … frantic. The underwear actually wound up with a little rip in them. She had found one of his…

— David Wong

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked “That if Franz Kafka were here his head would explode?” “Actually, yeah.”

— David Wong

“Franky the Cop let me lead the way outside to the shed, staying a few steps back so that he could have…

— David Wong

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a…

— David Wong

“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into…

— David Wong

“I reached out and, with a small move of my body, did something that would change my life forever. I gently moved…

— David Wong

Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.…

— David Wong

“They call it kintsugi. The pot is shattered, then carefully reassembled with a resin mixed with gold. It symbolizes how we must…

— David Wong

The things we call cultures are dynamic, internally diverse, and their interpretation is internally contested among its members. Cultures are like ongoing…

— David Wong

“Oh, hey, he’d figured out how to work the stupid ramp mechanism. It’d have been nice to have done that before he…

— David Wong

It is not simply the individual who benefits from and is protected by rights, but the society as a whole. Protected freedoms…

— David Wong

“It’s the microscopic parasite that causes malaria. Nearly half of all human deaths in recorded history have been caused by this invisible…

— David Wong

“We got back to my house to find it ransacked. It was difficult to tell because I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper…

— David Wong

“The human eye has to be one of the cruelest tricks nature ever pulled. We can see a tiny, cone-shaped area of…

— David Wong

People come to have different moral beliefs because they have different non-moral beliefs about relevant facts. People are disposed to believe whatever…

— David Wong

“I picked up the phone and dialed up John on his cell. One ring, and then- "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME…

— David Wong

I fear that our loss of a sense of connection with, and duties to, each other leaves us unable to effectively address…

— David Wong

“I remember now. Calling you. It’s hard, everything’s running together. I called and called and called. Like a shotgun, firing in every…

— David Wong

“Okay. When he comes, you can see him?" "Yes. I can hear him, too. And he, uh..." She brushed the bandage on…

— David Wong

“Imagine fifty thousand men trapped on a desert island, deprived of food and water and sex but somehow kept alive for fifty…

— David Wong

“I didn’t cry. And if you think I did, good luck proving it, asshole.”

— David Wong