“I was hammered by either a flying body tackle or an unnecessarily aggressive hug.” — David Wong Hammered Copy Share Image
“Of all the dogs I’ve known in my life, I’ve never seen a better driver.” — David Wong Animal Copy Share Image
“Cops do this every day, rifling closets and digging through your dildo drawer.” — David Wong Cops Copy Share Image
Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him. — David Wong Convincing Copy Share Image
“I didn’t cry. And if you think I did, good luck proving it, asshole.” — David Wong Good luck Copy Share Image
The phrase 'sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist' suddenly flew through my mind. — David Wong Flew Copy Share Image
“I'm scared David" "That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of” — David Wong Afraid Copy Share Image
“I woke up in my bathroom, startled. I had nodded off while pooping. Long goddamned day.” — David Wong Nodded Pooping Copy Share Image
“Somebody said my name, asked if I was okay. I didn't answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the… — David Wong Rested Copy Share Image
“My resume is worthless—it turns out that managing a now-defunct video store in your twenties while solving monster crimes qualifies you for… — David Wong Resume Copy Share Image
“We fixed him just by telling him that he wasn't crazy, that the horrors he was seeing were real. He seemed oddly… — David Wong Comforted Copy Share Image
“They passed a law that said I couldn’t put my hands in my pockets. Do you know why? Because they would become… — David Wong Concealed Copy Share Image
“Of course, it is likely enough, my friends, that we are going to our doom: the last march of the Ents. But… — David Wong Sooner or later Copy Share Image
They came looking for dark and terrible revelations and instead found out something even more dark and terrible: that their lives were… — David Wong Boring Copy Share Image
“We moved in silence for a moment and I said, “How did we screw this all up so badly, John?” He shook… — David Wong Time Copy Share Image
“Did you doze off there?” He shook my hand. “Uh, no. I was just tryin’ to rub somethin’ off the back of… — David Wong Shook Hand Copy Share Image
“Hollywood raised us. Your mind processes the world through a filter formed by comic books and action movies on Cinemax. That's why… — David Wong Action movie Copy Share Image
The Chinese concept of rights arose, then, in a context of power. Western nations had become powerful enough, and imposed their will… — David Wong Aggressive Copy Share Image
“I had a familiar, nervous sensation, one that goes all the way back to elementary school. It's the simultaneous realization that I… — David Wong David-wong Copy Share Image
“Contrary to what TV and movies have told you, it’s nearly impossible to have a hallucination that you can both see and… — David Wong Execution Copy Share Image
To this day I don’t know if he was struggling with the moral implications of gunning down half a dozen civilians, or… — David Wong Counting Copy Share Image
I wanted to curl up into a fetal position and start sucking my thumb, let my tears and dripping saliva pool under… — David Wong Curls Copy Share Image
“Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of… — David Wong Astronomy Copy Share Image
What humans want most of all, is to be right. Even if we're being right about our own doom. If we believe… — David Wong Believe Copy Share Image
My version of relativism is pluralistic and attributes functions to morality that in combination with human nature place limits on what could… — David Wong Accepted Copy Share Image
Globalization in part means that a lot of people are walking into the room and in some cases becoming influential or even… — David Wong Country Copy Share Image
“There are two types of people on planet Earth, Batman and Iron Man. Batman has a secret identity, right? So Bruce Wayne… — David Wong Bruce wayne Copy Share Image
We can cooperate more easily with those who more easily intelligible to us, who are more familiar to us. But the advantages… — David Wong Character Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax… — David Wong Computers Copy Share Image
People come to have different moral beliefs because they have different non-moral beliefs about relevant facts. People are disposed to believe whatever… — David Wong Arguing Copy Share Image
“I picked up the phone and dialed up John on his cell. One ring, and then- "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME… — David Wong Getting Sick Copy Share Image
“We got back to my house to find it ransacked. It was difficult to tell because I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper… — David Wong Humor Copy Share Image
“John. I would ask you what you are doing, but I fear you would actually tell me.” — David Wong Fear Copy Share Image
“There was no head. What the— “LOOK! SHIT!” Franky’s head was making a run for” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“He made the engine growl and told the headlights to fuck the night.” — David Wong Told Headlights Copy Share Image
“Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.” — David Wong Comic Copy Share Image
“THE END IS NOT NEAR IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED WE JUST DIDN'T CARE” — David Wong Happened Copy Share Image
“Yep. Thanks for calling us, Drake. You’re the kind of man a man wants when a man wants a man.” — David Wong Drake Copy Share Image
