“I feel stretched out, like too little butter scraped over too much waffle. And then it all falls down into one of… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I had gotten hungry for bratwurst and had been walking toward the entrance of one of the four McDonald's franchises in Undisclosed… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Fred nodded and said, “So what you’re saying is, if we all die, that’s not even the worst-case scenario.” John replied, “I’d… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“My mind didn't clear. It had been clear before. Instead it muddled, suddenly ablaze with rioting factions of insecurities and dreams, a… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Keep driving," said a soft voice in my ear. "She will not bite if you keep driving." Fuck that. Fuck that idea… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Sound filled the room, a crystal melody that could lift any human heart and turn away any devil. It was "Here I… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“We got back to my house to find it ransacked. It was difficult to tell because I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I struggled for something to cling to, the way soldiers in foxholes picture their families, or a flag. My car, I thought… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“A realization washed over her in that cold, dark space: this was how virtually all living things born on earth have died—with teeth tearing… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Let’s say you have an ax. Just a cheap one, from Home Depot. On one bitter winter day, you use said ax to behead… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“John ducked casually across some DO NOT DUCK CASUALLY ACROSS THIS TAPE tape” — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Marconi said, "I see you have your instruments. Can any of you sing? The old spirituals work best." John said, "I can sing." I… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“It’s the microscopic parasite that causes malaria. Nearly half of all human deaths in recorded history have been caused by this invisible assassin. One… — David Wong Copy Share Image
At this point two elderly security guards in parkas, the guys who normally work the front desk at the plant, asked John to step… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“I stared at the price tags and thought, Why don’t you fucking kill yourself? I have that thought a lot, actually. Hey, did you… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into battle to… — David Wong Copy Share Image
There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Around us, the disembodied human limbs were piling up, forming a circle around the fountain, fusing themselves to each other like Satan’s LEGO set.” — David Wong Copy Share Image
