“Dave? This is John." "What are you-" Alive? "-in an ambulance or something?" "Yes and no. Are you still at the police… — David Wong Ambulance Copy Share Image
“Okay, can somebody quickly just summarize for the shotgun department who it's okay and not okay to shoot?” — David Wong Shoot Copy Share Image
Here’s exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that— — David Wong Brain Copy Share Image
You know if you walked around the world, your hat would travel thirty-one feet farther than your shoes? — David Wong Around the world Copy Share Image
“If God was the type who needed to be asked verbally before he would support your side over man-eating monsters, then she… — David Wong Asked Copy Share Image
“Folding chairs were flying through the air as if propelled by dozens of invisible Bobby Knights.” — David Wong Bobby Knight Copy Share Image
“Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I… — David Wong Funny Copy Share Image
That ability to see the right choice, but not until several hours have passed since making the wrong one? That's what makes… — David Wong Ability Copy Share Image
“A realization washed over her in that cold, dark space: this was how virtually all living things born on earth have died—with… — David Wong Earth Copy Share Image
“I call it Dante’s Syndrome,” John said. I had never heard him call it any such thing. “Meaning I think Dave and… — David Wong Dante Copy Share Image
“Well, you’d better hope I am because the world was built by sociopaths, men willing to send a million innocent boys into… — David Wong Investing Copy Share Image
Solving the following riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.… — David Wong Assuming Copy Share Image
“I reached out and, with a small move of my body, did something that would change my life forever. I gently moved… — David Wong Life Copy Share Image
The things we call cultures are dynamic, internally diverse, and their interpretation is internally contested among its members. Cultures are like ongoing… — David Wong Culture Copy Share Image
“They call it kintsugi. The pot is shattered, then carefully reassembled with a resin mixed with gold. It symbolizes how we must… — David Wong Healing Copy Share Image
“Oh, hey, he’d figured out how to work the stupid ramp mechanism. It’d have been nice to have done that before he… — David Wong Ramp Copy Share Image
People come to have different moral beliefs because they have different non-moral beliefs about relevant facts. People are disposed to believe whatever… — David Wong Arguing Copy Share Image
“I picked up the phone and dialed up John on his cell. One ring, and then- "I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME… — David Wong Getting Sick Copy Share Image
“John and I have made this stuff our hobby, in the way that an especially attractive prisoner makes a hobby out of… — David Wong Humorous Copy Share Image
“From day one it was like society was this violent, complicated dance and everybody had taken lessons but me. Knocked to the… — David Wong Conspiracy theories Copy Share Image
I do fear that global capitalism is making us more like each other in regrettable ways, e.g., more people are increasingly captivated… — David Wong Aggression Copy Share Image
“Miss," John interrupted. "We have reason to believe your dog was possessed by some kind of Hell demon. Has Molly ever spoken… — David Wong Question Copy Share Image
“Our little tribal circles, bound by social contracts and selfish mutual need. Everyone working in their own greedy self-interests and huddling together… — David Wong Horror Copy Share Image
“There is Normal Society and then there is the Abnormal Freaks Who Deserve Our Public Pity and Private Ridicule Society. The first… — David Wong Abnormal Copy Share Image
“They were waiting for me, I realized, too late. They were waiting for me to push the attack, to lead them. Welcome… — David Wong Too late Copy Share Image
“ I am not the star of a zombie movie. I am the guy in the background who gets eaten in the… — David Wong Montage Copy Share Image
There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an… — David Wong English language Copy Share Image
Falling in love with a house or a car or a pair of shoes, it was a dead end. You save your… — David Wong Car Copy Share Image
Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It’ll be time to start a Web site soon, where you’ll type out everything in one huge paragraph. — David Wong Dave Copy Share Image
“If you had to choose, and if you were not allowed to see either ahead of time and had no other information… — David Wong Ahead of time Copy Share Image
“We’re like one German soldier alone on the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, holding a sharp stick.” — David Wong Normandy Copy Share Image
She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. 'There,'… — David Wong Cat Copy Share Image
“Here's the only thing you need to know about John: The reason I was surprised by your hand was because he never… — David Wong John Copy Share Image
“NO!” he screamed at it. “No! Don’t you see, you dumb son of a bitch? We don’t want to kill you! Can… — David Wong Screamed Copy Share Image
“John unzipped the satchel and pulled out a weapon he had made, a Bible wrapped around the end of a baseball bat… — David Wong Bible Copy Share Image
“Franky the Cop let me lead the way outside to the shed, staying a few steps back so that he could have… — David Wong Fists Copy Share Image
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” asked “That if Franz Kafka were here his head would explode?” “Actually, yeah.” — David Wong Thinking Copy Share Image
“What followed had been … frantic. The underwear actually wound up with a little rip in them. She had found one of his… — David Wong Underwear Copy Share Image
“The floor was littered with paper cups and candy wrappers and cigarette butts and other teenager droppings. I saw a used condom… — David Wong Littered Copy Share Image
“Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if… — David Wong Every man Copy Share Image
