Being stupid and compassionate are not conflicts. Being mean and being funny and having something to say are not a conflict. — El-P Copy Share Image
My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
“Oh, go to hell." He stood up from the table his face white, and stood there white and angry behind the little… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
“You were the only ones who came to help. The only ones. And yet you asked for nothing in return. Why?' Rhys's… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
I loved 'Cabaret.' I loved what it had to say and the whole style and brilliance of the book. It was my… — Ann Reinking Copy Share Image
“Rhage raised his hand. "Pastor Ass-hat, I have a question." "Yes, my son, you ARE going to hell." Lassiter made the sign… — J.R. Ward Copy Share Image
Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I firmly believe that if the whole material medica, as now used, could be sunk to the bottom of the sea, it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to. — Dodie Smith Copy Share Image
My dad is funny in his own way, and so is my brother, but in terms of legitimately making a lot of… — Mindy Kaling Copy Share Image
“Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving… — Molly Harper Copy Share Image
“Let's see that wrist." I held it out, and Chase's jaw tightened. "Look at that!" the medic shouted, staring over my shoulder… — Kristen Simmons Copy Share Image
“Jake became excruciatingly aware of her, there, right behind him. The small grunts and groans as she placed each foot carefully on… — Cherry Adair Copy Share Image
“The door buzzer sounded again. The two boys exchanged a single look before both bolting down the narrow hallway to the door.… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Some of my friends say that I only talk about myself. But it is funny: my house is covered in art but… — Mario Testino Copy Share Image
The thing to keep in mind is that's how I started long before MTV and Twitter and Facebook. I studied at broadcasting… — Tom Green Copy Share Image
I swear females wear they scrub fit everywhere they go...lol...u can leave a funeral N c a female walking out crying wit… — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
“He was a bad, bad bastard. He abused the privilege of being a cunt, as my old Da would say.’ I smiled,… — Craig Russell Copy Share Image
My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully. — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
Monday is just a reminder that the weekend has past and there are only a few more days before another weekend gets… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I was shy,” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.” — Anne Gracie Copy Share Image
“Look!" Mr. Poe said, who was still too far to help but close enough to see. "Genghis has an eye tattoo, like… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
“I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and… — Dannika Dark Copy Share Image
That heightened dynamic can produce interesting, funny ideas that are phrased in ways that surprise even you, as the performer. — Ted Alexandro Copy Share Image
The BBC say we need more working-class comedies, which is rubbish. We need funny comedies; it doesn't matter where they come from. — June Whitfield Copy Share Image
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
The thing I try to get across to the writers - and I do a lot of writing, too - is that… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I loved being in the film called 'Carnal Knowledge' - the one with Jack Nicholson, which was very dark but a really… — Rita Moreno Copy Share Image
This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love gritty dramas, 'Queen Sugar,' 'True Detective' - stuff like that, but I also love quippy comedies - those multi-cam comedies… — Ser'Darius Blain Copy Share Image
My grandma passed in '78, and that's the year I started recording. It's also the year that my dad retired from his… — Carlene Carter Copy Share Image
I like how the Ninja Turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever. — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
The creed of the Inland Revenue is simple: "If we can bring one little smile to one little face today, then somebody's… — David Frost Copy Share Image
Sitcoms are designed for normal people who just want to turn on their TV and get a laugh. It's not high-brow, you… — Megyn Price Copy Share Image
I think if steroids are illegal for athletes why aint photoshop illegal for sum dez ratchet bitches on Facebook...IG & Twitter — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
I was raised by women. Now I'm raising women. I was always better around girls. I live in an all-female household. I… — Aaron Taylor-Johnson Copy Share Image
When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
It's funny: I've joked that 'Sharp Objects,' 'To the Bone,' and 'Dietland' are my self-harm trilogy, and each one is a different… — Marti Noxon Copy Share Image
“Ah, well, when you explain it like that, it seems obvious," said Mudge. "Of course, it always seems obvious once it's been… — Theodora Goss Copy Share Image
