I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I did a lot of serious plays, and I did the Oxford Review as well, which is supposed to be funny, but… — Katherine Parkinson Copy Share Image
When I was younger I wanted to be a big movie star who'd get to be funny on talk shows and then… — Scott Thompson Copy Share Image
That Ugly moment When a guy stretches so far , you can see his chubbs and rolls — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I guess we have the press to thank for pushing us to see something we didn't see! — Eva Longoria Copy Share Image
The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking… — Evan Esar Copy Share Image
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesnt have any pictures of me either — Kendrick Cole Copy Share Image
Things people say when a movie finishes in the theaters: 5% Awesome movie. 5% that was great acting. 90% I gotta pee! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“With a nod, Thorne started down the street. 'This way.' Five steps later, he paused, pondered, turned around. 'No, no, this way.'… — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
May you someday have the same right as straight men to subject a spouse to humiliating sex scandals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how we can remember the lyrics to hundreds of songs, but can't remember anything when we study for a test. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There is this idea in comedy that you don't want to look like you care about your appearance because that takes away… — Steve Howey Copy Share Image
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding."… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Whenever I see a couple holding hands from far away I sprint & imagine it being the finish line of a 100… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Experience is the key to not making same mistakes again, whatever mistakes you've made is part of building you to understand life… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Laurence Olivier said in an interview once that when he plays a tragedy he always aims for the funny parts, and the… — Christopher Walken Copy Share Image
A man is never so on trial as in the moment of excessive good fortune. — Lew Wallace Copy Share Image
If y0u Love S0meone, be a waRrior.. fight f0r it., but iF thAt s0meOne loVe's s0meone else., thEn be a soldieR,... KILL… — Megz Copy Share Image
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
It's funny how you get a bit older and become more accepting of things. When you're in your twenties, you're skeptical of… — Jamie Dornan Copy Share Image
“Huevos up. Swing up to the window, swing back to Al B. Hall, who says, "Bless you," and would I get him… — Joan Bauer Copy Share Image
I wrote a pilot for myself. It's about a Latina actress trying to make it in Hollywood. It's pretty funny. — Melonie Diaz Copy Share Image
Im literally my own best friend. I have inside jokes with myself, sometimes Ill start laughing out loud at how funny I… — Ted Copy Share Image
There are some really funny people doing creative stuff with social media, which is sadly where a lot of my attention goes. — Scott Rogowsky Copy Share Image
