Funny Quotes · Page 967

A man must be himself or nothing!

— Henry Parkes

Did you do your makeup this morning, or did you just get gangbanged by Crayola?

— Anonymous

Ugarte: You despise me, don't you? Rick Blaine: If I gave you any thought I probably would.

— Humphrey Bogart

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

— Lewis Black

“There are four categories of questions Emmily asks: 1. Can I please go to the bathroom? 2. Where is the bathroom? 3.…

— Jim Benton

I don't know what's up there / Beyond the sky

— Sam Cooke

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

— Josh Groban

It’s time to find out what the truth really is that’s out there,

— John Podesta

All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.

— Jerry Coleman

I got pregnant at 40 by surprise. It's funny, because when we found out we were pregnant, I said, 'Okay, let's experience…

— Julianna Margulies

When you stop fighting, that's death.

— John Wayne

Dear person sitting next to me ,

— Anonymous

Wanna hear a funny joke about my cooka? Never mind you wont get it.

— Casey

I just feel like there are a lot of funny things that happen in this world and I guess that's for the…

— John Pinette

I've never known a musician who regretted being one. Music itself is not going to let you down.

— Virgil Thomson

The face of "evil" is always the face of total need. A dope fiend is a man in total need of dope.…

— William S. Burroughs

Can you surf really well, then?" I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've…

— Rick Riordan

Death is not evil, for it frees man from all ills and takes away his desires along with desire's rewards. Old age…

— Giacomo Leopardi

At our best, we are all teachers

— Maya Angelou

I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.…

— Brian Regan

Don't go backwards - you've already been there.

— Ray Charles

“I'll get them out and come back. I promise." "On your word as a cutthroat and a pirate?" He touched my cheek…

— Leigh Bardugo

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nature has neither core nor skin: she’s both at once outside and in.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

God is in me or else is not at all.

— Wallace Stevens

Whenever My Girlfriend Swears On Me, I Says Baby If One More Word Is Coming Out Of Your Mouth, Then I'M Gonna…

— NizamShahbaaz

Wife pointing at a couple next door says to her husband: Look at him he kisses her all the time, cant u…

— Ritu Ghatourey

Faith alone saves, but the faith that saves is not alone.

— John Calvin

For whatever reason, the films I gravitate towards do have these strange sort of tonal balances to them... I kind of realized…

— Jonathan Levine

If he's not dead, it doesn't count.

— Mike Tyson

The world's verdict is conclusive.

— Saint Augustine

“What are we watching?" [...] [...] He hugged her closer. "The sacrifices I make for you -just watch." She was intrigued enough…

— Nalini Singh

Do yourself what you wish others to do.

— Ramakrishna

Will someone please love Taylor Swift so she'll be quiet.

— Anonymous

Know that to begin is often better than to think.

— Robert Genn

In every man there is something of all men.

— Georg C. Lichtenberg

You are the one that you are looking for.

— Audre Lorde

If love is the answer, can you please repeat the question?

— Ritu Ghatourey

I'd rather enter the Hunger Games than enter the office on Mondays.

— Anonymous

The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth--it is the truth which conceals that there is none. The simulacrum is true.

— Jean Baudrillard