Me: Mom, I had a night mare, can I sleep with ya? Mom: yes, sure by the way do ya wanna tell… — Eliza Brittany Lawn Copy Share Image
The world would be a nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. And it would be even better if some of… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
*BEFORE YOU KISS A GIRL* - Grab her waist. - Pull her close to you. - Look into her eyes. - Look… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Finally, we entered Chetaube County, my imaginary birthplace, where the names of the little winding roads and minuscule mountain communities never failed… — Sol Luckman Copy Share Image
I have no idea why people want to watch puppets be the slightly meaner version of the weirdo holding them. It's beyond… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
Relationship is like apple it require care and refreshment. Your relation will damage shortly if you are not serious. — Mohd Aariff Khan Copy Share Image
“Of course, I'd like to have fake legs. I would dance with a boy and then afterwards pull up my dress to… — Victor Ladato Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation -- when it is true, does not mean gazing into each other's eyes, but looking outward together in the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed." — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
I love Hugh Jackman. Love Hugh Jackman. He's the coolest. He's one of the coolest actors I've ever worked with, and I'll… — Bryan Singer Copy Share Image
To the lady with 6 screaming kids, at the store. If your wondering how a box of condoms got in your basket,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The funny thing is, I was not a fan of horror when I was a kid. I was scared to watch scary… — Genndy Tartakovsky Copy Share Image
Everything is beautiful depends upon the situation.. A school bell sounds irritating at 8 am but the same bell sounds melodious at 2 pm. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
Some people are brilliant at being comedy actors and if you're a comedian I think there's a perception that, if you're acting… — John Bishop Copy Share Image
I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
“You see I've been taking these tests to tell when I'm ovulating and when I'm mostfertile. And well...it's now." "Oh, so you… — Katie Ashley Copy Share Image
When we began working on Parque Pumalin, rumours flew that we were establishing a nuclear waste site for the United States or,… — Douglas Tompkins Copy Share Image
When life stresses you out, eat a carrot. It won't make your life any better, but at least you're helping out the… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Now I'm just like everybody else, and it's so funny, the way monogamy is funny, the way someone falling down in the… — Jeffrey McDaniel Copy Share Image
“I mean, we're ninjas." "Well maybe you're a ninja," I said "You're just a really loud, awkward ninja," Margo said, "but we… — John Green Copy Share Image
Biggest fact of life- even if all the musician join together to create a melody to make us sleep, they cannot win… — Hafsa Copy Share Image
“If you turn into a hideous monster and I am sent to slay you, I will remember this and make it as… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
You're either singing on TV or in front of a full cathedral and there's a bit of pressure there. I know it… — Alastair Cook Copy Share Image
We never live, but we hope to live; and as we are always arranging to be happy, it must be that we… — Blaise Pascal Copy Share Image
Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
'Lucky' is for laughs, and there's really nothing funny that I'm doing on 'Dexter.' I think more than anything, both comment on… — Colin Hanks Copy Share Image
Ambition is a funny thing. In cricket, as in many professions, it tends to take you on a journey away from where… — Andrew Flintoff Copy Share Image
“She is still typing away when Monique bangs into the apartment, slams her bag on the table and says, "If I were… — Katherine Heiny Copy Share Image
“Pastors are starting to get wily. When people tell my friend, 'I'm not being fed,' he replies, 'I'm prefectly happy to spoon… — Jonathan Acuff Copy Share Image
“She bared her teeth at me. “Screw you, shifter!” “Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my… — Cori Moore Copy Share Image
Your texting your friends then you send a dirty shirtless pic of your boyfriend … but you accdentily send it to your… — Thinkpinkbarbii Copy Share Image
“my problem is that my body acts before my brain thinks... it sometimes brings me huge trouble, or also huge success. recently,… — Hiroko Sakai Copy Share Image
“Oooo...He's being a saucy motherfu*ker tonight. He does wrong and I'm the one who gets treated like the whore of Babylon. Fine,… — S.K. Logsdon Copy Share Image
Behind every good man, there is a good woman. And behind every good woman, there's another man looking at her butt. — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
Ego is hilarious - especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
Its funny how when I'm loud, people tell me to be quiet, but when I'm quiet, people ask me whats wrong with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ...… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
Twinkle twinkle jatt di car Kadi glassi yaarya day naal Punjabi Bhangra thay chicken fry Always tali and never cry ;) Yupe...that's… — Inder Bc Copy Share Image
They keep saying there is a perfect person for everyone out there but I seriously think that mine got hit by a… — Bernajoy Vaal Copy Share Image
When I was young I believed that I could save the whole world,but when I grow up I find that even the… — Boboniu Copy Share Image
