She's not a slow texter she's texting other niggas, so be patient and wait your turn. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Freedom must be demanded and defended, by those who have been denied it and by those who are already free — Aung San Suu Kyi Copy Share Image
“So that's it?" Kenji says. "You just like him for his personality, huh?" "What?" "All of this," Kenji says, waving a hand… — Tahereh Mafi Copy Share Image
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time¦theyre gone. — Yo Yo Copy Share Image
I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“Once I started I couldn’t put it down. It was so addictive . . . like a train wreck.” — Katie Klein Copy Share Image
My walk. Let's clarify this: you're not allowed to laugh at my walk but I am. Most times I am in control… — Rosie Jones Copy Share Image
I swear McDonald's ads be making stuff look good af' but once you get something in person you'll be like What the… — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
It's easy to be silly in real life, but making stuff up onstage, that seemed hard. Better to be the funny person… — Janet Varney Copy Share Image
What I like about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards. — Milos Forman Copy Share Image
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I will receive it sir with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use, 'tis for the head. OSRIC… — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
If you can’t decide what to do, get on the road. You won’t find the answer. It will find you. — Andy Dunn Copy Share Image
If you tell the reader it's funny, then the audience is like an audience at a stand-up comedy club and they expect… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“At the last moment, Kellan swerved around him, quickly leaving the zombie behind. “Why didn't you just hit him?” Jayden asked, turning… — Rose Wynters Copy Share Image
“You know,” he says, voice still low.“I have had nothing but trouble since you walked into my life.” “I’d walk straight back… — L.H. Cosway Copy Share Image
Can cute boys stop being: 1-Famous. 2-Gay. 3-Younger than me. 4- Older than me. 5-123987564 miles away. 6-Taken. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
The whole character of Super Dave is a takeoff on people who pontificate. So one thing I never want to do is… — Bob Einstein Copy Share Image
You don't have to stop everything to get organized, you just have to start. — Donna Smallin Copy Share Image
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
