“Some things in life are certain; death, taxes, and that your family will piss you off.” — Melanie Finn Copy Share Image
In my youth I hoped to do great things; now I shall be satisfied to get through without scandal. — Walter Bagehot Copy Share Image
“Isn’t it funny? You forgive people before they ask forgiveness. Later they expect your apologize.” — M.F. Moonzajer Copy Share Image
My Wife & me are either going to buy a dog or have a child. Actually we can't decide whether to ruin… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance! — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
“It was a fine summer morning, the kind to make a man happy to be alive. And probably the man *would* have… — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when a little kid asks me to open something for them...and I cant... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“As a youth I got my jollies by confronting my professors with facts that ran completely contrary to what they were trying… — Lia Habel Copy Share Image
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of red rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hate when I get drunk at a bar and hot chicks waste the opportunity to take sexual advantage of me. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's funny, but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever… — Liam Neeson Copy Share Image
A girl never gets mad for no reason. It may be over something small and stupid but there is still a reason. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
The more one knows, the luckier he is, for knowledge is the greatest gift in life. — L. Frank Baum Copy Share Image
Traveling has less to do with seeing things than experiencing them... — Nicholas Sparks Copy Share Image
For without risk there is no faith, and the greater the risk, the greater the faith. — Soren Kierkegaard Copy Share Image
You know you're getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead. — John Mendoza Copy Share Image
I wish I was a dinosaur. I would never worry about if I was safe, of course I'm safe, I'm a dinosaur.… — Keith Carter Copy Share Image
“...and a third had died in his bunk of natural causes-- for a dagger in the heart quite naturally ends one's life” — R. A. Salvatore Copy Share Image
Education for livelihood alone will never make our life full and complete. — Mata Amritanandamayi Copy Share Image
The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it. — J Robert Oppenheimer Copy Share Image
Even writing a script which will be funny is not easy. To make the script come to life and make the audience… — Kirti Kulhari Copy Share Image
