We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
It's funny, though, with films, because you can incorporate a variety of elements, and sometimes that can work for you and sometimes… — Guy Pearce Copy Share Image
It's funny how we breakup/ignore the good guys until they're happily in a relationship with someone else. Then all of a sudden… — Marly Copy Share Image
You shouldn't worry who gets the funny line, just that you're being funny as a double act. With us, it flips all… — Ant McPartlin Copy Share Image
Standup is a place where, as long as it's funny enough, you can say your most embarrassing things, shameful things and disappointing… — Sara Pascoe Copy Share Image
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
My parents: you're beautiful honey - old people: I bet all the boys are chasing after you already. - Boys: Ew, what… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond… — Parker Blue Copy Share Image
If I could play any role in any musical, it would be Desiree in 'A Little Night Music' - Oh my, it… — Nancy Allen Copy Share Image
Dont you hate it when you're texting lying down & all of a sudden ur phone decides to be ninja & slip… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“And since when is stealing people's possessions the call of God? you are all hypocrites who have suddenly come into power, and… — Dalia Sofer Copy Share Image
Beautiful women must think about their beauty as capitalists think about their investments or politicians about their majorities; it is all they… — Cyril Connolly Copy Share Image
Judge Ephriam: Bryan, does she watch your kids? Brian Simmons: Oh, she's actually really good, she's a big diciplinarian though, but uh...… — Madea Copy Share Image
How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana… — Marc Maron Copy Share Image
The kind of funny irony is that a lot of people talk about ethical meat eating as if it's a way to… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Seriously, I do 20 lengths a day. I get a few funny looks in the pool from people who think, 'Isn't that… — Shaun Ryder Copy Share Image
It's funny, we all really, really got along. I don't know how it was in years past but this year, I was… — LaToya London Copy Share Image
On 'Catfish,' I'm a co-host and onscreen cameraman, maybe the second onscreen cameraman after Wes Bentley's turn in 'American Beauty,' which is… — Max Joseph Copy Share Image
“I’m sure all of that’s true. Especially the anal bit--Marshall’s always been an ass--but I don’t see how this is relevant, unless… — Krista Alasti Copy Share Image
Dirty joke! Timmy fell in mud. Clean joke! Timmy played with bubbles in the bath. Dirty part of Clean joke! Bubbles was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn” — James Patterson Copy Share Image
“Bad weather’s moving in,” the old bird said, finally handing me a check. Never seen so many tornadoes in my life. We… — Nick Wilgus Copy Share Image
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I want a hero: an uncommon want, When every year and month sends forth a new one, Till, after cloying the gazettes… — Lord Byron Copy Share Image
When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous,… — Clive James Copy Share Image
For me, personally, it is very important that the days are exactly the same, so I have routines. I do the same… — Karl Ove Knausgard Copy Share Image
This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who… — Oprah Winfrey Copy Share Image
I learned that people in wheelchairs are allowed to have marathons … which, to me, seems like cheating, but what are you… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
Theres a famous saying: If 99 percent was good enough, gravity wouldnt work for 14 minutes every day. I did the calculation,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Regin the Radiant and Emmaline Troy: 'Alrighty then, have it your way- you're on your own... Now, if you come across a… — Kresley Cole Copy Share Image
“Seriously man, shut it.” “Alright, alright. You’re the driver,” He raised his chip bag in toast, “My life is in your hands.” — Finn Eccleston Copy Share Image
My brothers and sister and me grew up making fun of each other, the way we'd speak or move. When we get… — Colman Domingo Copy Share Image
I find it funny to look at people who are people-watching, and, don't get me wrong, I like to people-watch, too. But… — Coco Rocha Copy Share Image
“So...what are you delivering today -- pizza or death?" "Both, actually. Pepperoni for you now, and a fatal aneurism to the woman… — Rachel Vincent Copy Share Image
It's a very ancient culture, British culture. You can't be seen to be too wealthy, and you certainly can't be seen to… — Trudie Styler Copy Share Image
It's upsetting that it is such a big deal. I wish it weren't an issue all the time. It's funny that people… — Randy Harrison Copy Share Image
“Neythen looked perplexed. 'My mum always said I'm named after a saint, not an illness.' 'Which one?' 'Well he had his head… — Eloisa James Copy Share Image
![“Judge Ephriam: Bryan, does she watch your kids? Brian Simmons: Oh, she's actually really good, she's a big diciplinarian though, but uh... they have a lot of respect for her. Judge Ephriam: Really? [Looks over at Nikki] Judge Ephriam: Stand up Nikki. [Nikki stands up] Judge Ephriam: Mable Simmons…” quote by Madea](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/c6a/madea-3628_electric-chair_judge-ephriam-bryan-does-she-watch-your_512373.jpg)
