When I was, like, 16, I went in to the head of Disney, and I hadn't taken acting class really at all,… — Taylour Paige Copy Share Image
True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer. I won't say yes,… — Samuel Goldwyn Copy Share Image
I adored my father because he was dry and witty and funny. He would stand in the door of his shop greeting… — Maureen Lipman Copy Share Image
I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Pretty much all women who wear pantsuits are evil. Kat's head tipped to the side. Okay. I do have to agree with… — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
Something is funny, most of all, because it's true, and because the velocity of insight into this truth exceeds our normal standards.… — Steve Almond Copy Share Image
All that God is, and all that God has, is at the disposal of prayer. Prayer can do anything that God can… — R. A. Torrey Copy Share Image
Man is the measure of all things, of things that are that they are, and of things that are not that they… — Protagoras Copy Share Image
I don't think the expectation is that the 'Psych' musical is going to be 'Rent,' so I think as long as we… — James Roday Copy Share Image
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“What?” he asked in a low voice. “You looked like you spent your last joy bill.” He hissed, “What does that even… — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
“Lunch started off tense after our heated moment. Thank goodness for Blake. Kai was warm toward him, reserving his coolness for me.… — Sweet Peril Wendy Higgins Copy Share Image
I think that people are going to think of me however they want to think of me, whether it's female or gay… — Tig Notaro Copy Share Image
“What’s the best practical joke you’ve ever played on another camper? Connor: The golden mango! Travis: Oh, dude, that was awesome. Connor:… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Now the point of comedy is not just looking funny, it's use of language. We have at our disposal a great language...… — Barry Humphries Copy Share Image
A lot of entertainment, and especially in a half-hour format, can be all jokes, all the time. And some of those jokes… — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
Work on the Who, the Who, and the Who. Add some Who, and then explore the Who. The What and Where will… — T. J. Jagodowski Copy Share Image
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an… — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
It's not bad enough I am exiled? It's not bad enough you take away the few good heroes I'm allowed to meet?… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Why tell social networking sites that you're on your period? Nobody cares if your uterus lining is leaving your body — Amit Verma Copy Share Image
Men are not amusing during the shooting season; but, after all, my dear, men were not especially designed to amuse women. — Gertrude Atherton Copy Share Image
When I started my program... there was a big clock in the corner and I looked and it said nine o'clock exactly.… — Sarah Hughes Copy Share Image
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“I never knew how much I missed pickles and pickle juice. It's like, an overwhelming feeling that I can't even explain.” — Snooki Copy Share Image
How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels when he… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I came into the room, which was half dark, and presently spotted Lord Kelvin in the audience and realised that I was… — Ernest Rutherford Copy Share Image
I'm tired of all this nonsense about real beauty is inside you.That's deep enough. I mean what do you want, a 'gorgeous… — Bishwajeet Pattnayak Copy Share Image
Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
Today I learnt that, the extra oregano sachets the Pizza places give you, is the best ingredient to spice up your late… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, "Emo, don't go near the cellar door!" One day when they… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
When you reminisce, you don't say, 'Remember that time you got sued by so-and-so?' No, you say, 'Remember when we played here… — John Petrucci Copy Share Image
I'm not mad keen on comedy that points the finger at people and ridicules them. I don't find that very funny. I… — Caroline Quentin Copy Share Image
Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was… — Dave Chappelle Copy Share Image
“Mr. Taylor has this habit of emphasizing his point by using three adjectives or verbs in a row. 'Class, you must know,'… — Randa Abdel-Fattah Copy Share Image
This is quite difficult 'cause I have a really flat head, and so it's quite difficult to get a correct angle. And… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I was in the hospital today and saw this cute guy with a cast on his leg and my first thought was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
![“Mr. Taylor has this habit of emphasizing his point by using three adjectives or verbs in a row. 'Class, you must know,' Simon begins [imitating] in a droning voice, flinging her arms around at every syllable, 'that should you fail to understand, to comprehend, to FEEL the power of the…” quote by Randa Abdel-Fattah](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/66c/randa-abdel-fattah-12772_funny_mr-taylor-has-this-habit-of-emphasizing_373017.jpg)
