Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's some mouthwash, use it maybe? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Corne who taught you how to dance?? Because I know is not your father, he's got no sense of style… — Adaeze Agbai Copy Share Image
My one light American Spirit that I smoke once a week, on Saturday night. — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
“And what exactly is it that you do?" "I do pretty much what the name implies. I shoot trouble.” — Bard Constantine Copy Share Image
Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor. — Abraham Lincoln Copy Share Image
“Her eyes went so wide they nearly bulged. It was probably wrong of me to find that amusing. Or to want to… — Alyxandra Harvey Copy Share Image
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to… — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Something has to be really cool or funny... for me to think about wanting to do it. I think my agents would… — Taylor Tomlinson Copy Share Image
Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“There are times when it is appropriate, even preferable, to get an erection when someone's face is in close proximity to your… — John Green Copy Share Image
In reality, as a comedian, you're successful because you're funny, and you should be able to be funny about anything. — Jon Richardson Copy Share Image
I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video,… — Conor McGregor Copy Share Image
“If you keep wiggling on my dick like that, you’ll end up impaled on it like a fish on a hook.” She… — Dari A. Malaunt Copy Share Image
I told Clooney, George, you’re worth $100 million — of course you can afford to be a socialist! — Kevin Sorbo Copy Share Image
“Your eyes shine," he said. "How do they do that?" "Blood," she said.” — Aimee Bender Copy Share Image
Nobody has a right now to say that the Hindus are not liberal to a fault. — Swami Vivekananda Copy Share Image
I don't create poetry, I create myself, for me my poems are a way to me. — Edith Södergran Copy Share Image
Leadership is much less about what you do, and much more about who you are. — Frances Hesselbein Copy Share Image
Thats how we survive infinity - we kill it by breaking it up into small bits. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face. — Harry Hill Copy Share Image
I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue) — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
The only time a woman will fight for a man now a days is on a reality show. — Abhishek Ghosh Copy Share Image
Installing love. ¦¦44%. Installation failed. Error 404: install money first. — Babloo Copy Share Image
Every Christmas I only buy gifts for friends when I find out they already got me one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What is it that you like doing? If you don't like it, get out of it, because you'll be lousy at it. — Lee Iacocca Copy Share Image
Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The grand tune is the only thing in music that the great public really understands. — Thomas Beecham Copy Share Image
Laws and institutions, like clocks, must occasionally be cleaned, wound up, and set to true time. — Henry Ward Beecher Copy Share Image
