Today's tragedy in Paris reminds us very viscerally that it's a right that some people are inexplicably forced to die for. So… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, Sea World said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
It has become cliché to say I laughed until I cried, but when I'm done reading one of [Kupperman's] underground comics my… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
According to new statistics, Pope Francis is the most talked about person on the Internet. And not only that, he has the… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
![“It has become cliché to say I laughed until I cried, but when I'm done reading one of [Kupperman's] underground comics my shirt is literally soaking wet. This guy may have one of the best comedy brains on the planet right now.” quote by Conan O'Brien](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/a43/conan-o-brien-540_best-comedy_it-has-become-clich-to-say-i-laughed-unt_2561145.jpg)
