“The truth is I feel bad about calling you a whore. I don't know anything about your personal life; my judgment was… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
“Although my mother didn't know anything about science, she had a great influence on me as well. In particular, she had a… — Richard Feynman Copy Share Image
Whoop-de-do," said Ram. "What?" "I'm celebrating." "Was that irony or loss of mental function?" asked the expendable. "Was that a rhetorical questions,… — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
Some celebrities are afraid of me because some are afraid of the truth, and then some love me because they have a… — Perez Hilton Copy Share Image
Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I think a band that doesn't have a sense of humor can come up with their own take on whimsy.Kind of lead-footed… — Michael McKean Copy Share Image
“David was holding Mona steady. I hoped he also had a little attention to spare to keep us unnoticed from the ground;… — Rachel Caine Copy Share Image
During the day, I was a doctor. At night, you know, I was a comic. And it was really just to let… — Ken Jeong Copy Share Image
“I am an excellent driver. In my mind. When nobody's watching. I could drive circles around you. And even East Los Viva.… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
Comedy is an indoors thing, so I take every opportunity to go outside. A lot of that involves finding places that are… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“Neighbours complaining about someone’s dog making an awful racket. You could hardly blame the poor beast, its owner had died in her… — James Oswald Copy Share Image
“Izzy, are you—” he began. His eyes flew wide, and he backed up fast enough to smack his head into the wall… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“You know, I can see more than just the future or the past." "Really?" I asked, paging through the papers in the… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
A talk show is about having a look at a famous face, a bit of stand-up comedy, knockabout stuff - an interview… — Terry Wogan Copy Share Image
“That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information." "Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
It is time to set aside the old partisan bickering and finger-pointing and name-calling that comes from freeing parents to make different… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
I wanted people to know that my grandmother was the reason why I did comedy in the first place. She pushed me… — Jermaine Fowler Copy Share Image
“Shhh, it's okay Cait, Daddy will be back. I am going to take care of you, just like Uncle Drake takes care… — Brei Betzold Copy Share Image
“Let's worry like mad. Shall we start on a worldwide basis and work down to ourselves, or start with ourselves and spread?"… — Pamela Branch Copy Share Image
My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
“My name is Skippito Friskito. (clap-clap) I fear not a single bandito. (clap-clap) My manners are mellow, I'm sweet like the Jell-o,… — Judy Schachner Copy Share Image
“I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of… — Joey Comeau Copy Share Image
“You snore.” She stopped in the middle of the hallway and gaped. “I do not.” “Oh yeah, you do.” He nodded, beaming… — Jennifer Shirk Copy Share Image
I try to play the stiff, as much as I can, and play it dry, which is sometimes hard for me. My… — John Cho Copy Share Image
At the time of 'Words, Words, Words,' I'm a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he's entitled to do comedy and tell you… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
“Sometimes our talent is plain old everyday people skills that have been lost in our fast-paced society—listening, compassion, a sense of humor,… — Lisa Nichols Copy Share Image
“I’m actually here with Crispin. You didn’t forget about your tutoring date with him, did you?” I wrinkle my nose. “I thought… — Haley Fisher Copy Share Image
“- I picked these last night. I want you to have them. - Th-thanks. What kind of flowers are these? They're pretty.… — Shouji Gatou Copy Share Image
While it may not heighten our sympathy, wit widens our horizons by its flashes, revealing remote hidden affiliations and drawing laughter from… — Marie Taylor Collins Swabey Copy Share Image
I don't separate Robert DeNiro's comedy from the serious stuff. The one thing I realize working with him in all of his… — Alessandro Nivola Copy Share Image
I think women are different, and I think having them in the room is crucial to a family comedy, ensemble comedy, television… — Dan Harmon Copy Share Image
“Kyle clapped his hands together. “Goody! The Zoe dates back some 3000 years to when the Greek gods ruled.” “Who’s Zoe?” I… — Nicole Gulla Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I… — Bauvard Copy Share Image
One may be continually abusive without saying any thing just; but one cannot be always laughing at a man without now and… — Jane Austen Copy Share Image
“A friend of Diagoras pointed out an expensive display of votive gifts and said, ' You think the gods have no care… — Diagoras of Melos Copy Share Image
“Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the… — Patrick Rothfuss Copy Share Image
For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm always drawn towards the darker stuff, because I think it's just a lot more interesting. But it's also good fun doing… — Iwan Rheon Copy Share Image
“Dr. Urbino replied without looking at her: “I did not know that fellow was a poet.” And then he wiped him from… — Gabriel García Márquez Copy Share Image
