Bauvard

“Don’t take drugs. Asking politely promotes healthy stereotypes.”

— Bauvard

“Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity.”

— Bauvard

“Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard.”

— Bauvard

“A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.”

— Bauvard

“Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.”

— Bauvard

“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.”

— Bauvard

“I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.”

— Bauvard

“Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.”

— Bauvard

“One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training.”

— Bauvard

“Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always…

— Bauvard

“Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.”

— Bauvard

“I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered…

— Bauvard

“I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.”

— Bauvard

“Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.”

— Bauvard

“Nothing is more attractive than universal appeal. That is what makes androgyny the peacekeeping persuasion.”

— Bauvard

I am a foreigner, but I like to hide the fact. I'd rather people be prejudiced against my personality.

— Bauvard

“I ran into an old friend on the street and we started up a conversation. Four hours and six bottles of wine…

— Bauvard

“What’s outside my head and what’s inside my head aren’t worth mentioning. What’s worth mentioning is what’s on my head – my…

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I…

— Bauvard

“The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked…

— Bauvard

“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper…

— Bauvard

“A man without debts is a man without anything to live for. Debt is collateral for life. It provides you with obligations…

— Bauvard

“Usually I am the only subject I care to discuss with company. But when I'm getting reacquainted with an old friend, I…

— Bauvard

“I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we…

— Bauvard

“Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes.…

— Bauvard

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

— Bauvard

“Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol.”

— Bauvard

“The stoic contemplates fallen leaves; the epicure rakes them into a loveseat.”

— Bauvard

“If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.”

— Bauvard

“Rioter: a person who wants dinner, and needs a TV to eat it with.”

— Bauvard

“Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.”

— Bauvard

“Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?”

— Bauvard

“When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them.”

— Bauvard

“The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.”

— Bauvard

“Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself.”

— Bauvard

“The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.”

— Bauvard

“Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.”

— Bauvard

“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”

— Bauvard

“Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.”

— Bauvard

“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.”

— Bauvard