Christopher Moore

Don't bruise the Foo!

— Christopher Moore

“Nobody likes a dead whore.”

— Christopher Moore

I've won Satan's lottery.

— Christopher Moore

“Holy ripened fuckcheese!”

— Christopher Moore

“Pain travels pretty well.”

— Christopher Moore

Angels are just pretty insects.

— Christopher Moore

Compliment but do not covet.

— Christopher Moore

“Amy called the whale punkin.”

— Christopher Moore

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

— Christopher Moore

“Torah! Torah! Torah!" - THE WAR CRY OF THE KAMIKAZE RABBIS.”

— Christopher Moore

Hope is merely another face of desire.

— Christopher Moore

...she is too beautiful, I think, to not be inherently evil.

— Christopher Moore

“The measure of a man's power is the depth of his mercy.”

— Christopher Moore

What this movie needs is more brain eating zombies.

— Christopher Moore

I think I'm what they call a never-was.

— Christopher Moore

“Does a broken heart know from a different location?”

— Christopher Moore

“How would I feel, he thought, If I woke up and she was making love to me? Why I believe that I…

— Christopher Moore

“Mr. Asher, you can resist who you are for only so long. Finally, you just decide to go with fate.”

— Christopher Moore

No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.

— Christopher Moore

“I want to be Moses.” “You can’t.” “Why not?” “I have the stick.” “Oh.”

— Christopher Moore

“The noise was like, well, it was like a thousand vampire cats clawing on Plexiglas—it made their teeth hurt.”

— Christopher Moore

“Have you never met anyone who works in a record store? There is no greater repository of unjustified arrogance in the world.”

— Christopher Moore

“The music coming from inside sounded like robots fucking. And complaining about it. In rhythmic monotone. European robots.”

— Christopher Moore

I've made a dog's breakfast of English history, geography, 'King Lear,' and the English language in general.

— Christopher Moore

“[Abby to Tommy and Jody who are hugging] So I'm like, "Cold-faced killers on the clock, bitches, we don't have time for…

— Christopher Moore

“The sofa was lumpy enough to have had a body sewed into it; stuffing spilled out of the arms where the victim…

— Christopher Moore

“Everyone at the bar turned toward The Breeze and waited, as if the next few words he spoke would reveal the true…

— Christopher Moore

“That's it, said Cavuto. You're too much of a nerd to be gay. I'm contacting the committee. They'll revoke your rainbow flag…

— Christopher Moore

“Charlie found himself affecting the Emperor's formal speech patterns, as if somehow he had been transported to a royal court where a…

— Christopher Moore

“I am not inclined to use hip-hop vernacular often, but there are times when, like French, it just better expresses the sentiment…

— Christopher Moore

“You want broccoli?" asked Mrs. Korjev. "Is there orange broccoli?" Sophie asked. "Green broccoli is good for you, make you strong, like…

— Christopher Moore

“That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information." "Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery…

— Christopher Moore

“He slowed to a walk. As he approached her he was surprised at just how pretty she was. She looked a little…

— Christopher Moore

“Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude--the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of…

— Christopher Moore

[in reference to turkey bowling] He [Tommy] squinted and picked his target, then took his steps and sent the bird sliding down…

— Christopher Moore

“My name," said Mr. Fresh. "Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up. "I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's…

— Christopher Moore

“I will not die for a long time." Joseph tugged at his gray beard. "My beard goes white, but there's a lot…

— Christopher Moore

“The Holy Mother has many faces, but you know it's her from her blue cloak. She is said to be the spirit…

— Christopher Moore

“One Monday, just for sport, Charlie grabbed an eggplant that a spectacularly wizened granny was going for, but instead of twisting it…

— Christopher Moore

“So I'm like getting some perspective now - like when you're a kid and you think it sucks that you have to…

— Christopher Moore