“Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. “You’re the picture of respectability and moral character…You expect me to believe you were your parents’ worst nightmare?… — M.A. George Copy Share Image
“Dating is basically this weird thing where you go out and pretend to be someone you're not until the other person likes… — Kevin Molesworth Copy Share Image
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“My sub doesn't pay for me,” he says, pulling me to my feet. “That just doesn't happen.” “But we ordered so much,”… — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
“Writing isn’t necessarily a gift it is a passion. You can write a one page masterpiece to 99 pages of crap. What… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“You have to humor them you know." Lucile sighed lightly as the door closed. "Men can be boring, but they are necessary.… — Kate Alcott Copy Share Image
All people go through moments that are tough, but looking at them through comedy is so fun. You can look at anything… — Helene Yorke Copy Share Image
Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Comedy is a game played to throw reflections upon social life, and it deals with human nature in the drawing-room of civilized… — George Meredith Copy Share Image
Out of all the isms, movements and manifestos of the 20th century, it was the Dadaists who proved the most important -… — Vic Reeves Copy Share Image
“The man persisted. "No, no, no. It was so funny. What software did you use?" - apparently in the belief that the… — David A. Price Copy Share Image
“Don't be afraid to make an ass of yourself. I do it all the time, and look what I got." (Spoken at… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
As an actor, I'm attracted to drama; as a director, it's humor - because it's the story of my life, and I… — Jodie Foster Copy Share Image
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
“Okay, that's just bull." Aurelia snorted. "You can't be friends with someone you have the fuzzies for. Oh sure you can try,… — Delia Winters Copy Share Image
“Trained in combat?" repeated Harry incredulously. "What does he think we're doing here, forming some sort of wizard army?" "That's exactly what… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
It's terrible to write what are essentially comedies for people with no sense of humor. Everyone thinks they have a sense of… — Whit Stillman Copy Share Image
My desire for you grows with each day that passes. I love everything about you. You are a warm, loving, sensitive, beautiful… — Kemis Khan Copy Share Image
I knew at a young age that I wanted to do comedy, and maybe part of that was trying to fit in… — Nasim Pedrad Copy Share Image
All great humorists are sad... I cannot help seeing beyond the tinsel of humour, and recognising the pitiful basis of jest -… — H. P. Lovecraft Copy Share Image
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“The monitor presently shows the Windows Blue Screen of Death, though this does not alarm him, as the BSoD is the universal… — Robert Olen Butler Copy Share Image
“It was written in a red felt marker, and his first thought was that it was from Sarah, though it didn't look… — Todd Young Copy Share Image
“(LuAnn) Whatever. That'll teach me not to build my life around a man whose favorite book is Atlas Shrugged . Listen, kid."… — Abby McDonald Copy Share Image
Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is-I'm not sure 80 percent of the people get the death tax. I know… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave… — John Glenn Copy Share Image
“When the Washington Post telephoned me at home on Valentine's Day 1989 to ask my opinion about the Ayatollah Khomeini's fatwah ,… — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
“Hapi?" I asked. "Why, yes, I am happy!" Hapi beamed. "I'm always happy because I'm Hapi! Are you happy?" Zia frowned up… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
“I handed him a beaker and toyed with the pleats of my skirt. The folds kept rippling against my knees in a… — Andrea Cremer Copy Share Image
“I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where… — Simon R. Green Copy Share Image
“She raised an eyebrow. "I thought I sensed something oddly human about you. From the moment I though it was simply residue… — Michelle Rowen Copy Share Image
“Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild,… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
Everything in comedy's got to be exactly right, which is why making a comedic film is kind of a difficult process, because,… — John Cleese Copy Share Image
Women always think that I'm Chandler, so if I don't joke around for half an hour, they think that something's wrong. Then… — Matthew Perry Copy Share Image
There's not a lot of other stuff I admire about his content, but there's something about Howard Stern and his perseverance in… — Ashleigh Banfield Copy Share Image
“I had never thought much of genealogy. A lot of wasted time collecting the names of the dead. Then stringing those names,… — Joshua Ferris Copy Share Image
“The human digestive tract is like the Amtrak line from Seattle to Los Angeles: transit time is about thirty hours, and the… — Mary Roach Copy Share Image
“Lucy: I don't feel like talking about college. It increases my stress level. James: And increased stress levels lead to hair loss.… — Kristen Tracy Copy Share Image
