“She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and the gun she was holding gave me a bad… — Patrick Major Dallas OR Copy Share Image
These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make. — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity. — Bruce Lee Copy Share Image
“Is it worth the effort to tell an idiot that they are profoundly stupid? Or is it just good fun to see… — Neil Leckman Copy Share Image
“I hadn't known my dad could get so competitive over an auction. It was probably a good thing he hadn't yet discovered… — Piper Banks Copy Share Image
I love John Irving's stuff. It's that marriage of comedy and tragedy. It's really terrific. — Jeff Bridges Copy Share Image
“Some of the people we feel sorry for feel sorry for us for thinking that they are the ones who should be… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Adding 'and shit' to the end of any sentence makes it sound cooler and shit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A Murphy [Eddie Murphy] movie is like a Sidney Poitier comedy - he's that intensely good... He revolutionized acting. He's literally black… — Scott Raab Copy Share Image
“Societies and people that come close to being happy are those that do well in narrowing the disparity between their desires and… — Janvier Chouteu-Chando Copy Share Image
“The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are …… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Both conservatives and liberals watch 'Parks and Recreation,' and they each think the show is for them, which is really cool. 'SNL'… — Amy Poehler Copy Share Image
It's so hard for me to kind of fall in love with comedy, but if something comes my way... I mean, I… — Aaron Paul Copy Share Image
You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it?… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
“What’s this ” “A needle.” “What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy. “Please use it… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“I ran through a restaurant like the fraught heroine in a romantic comedy," I reminded him in a whisper. "That's crazy. That's… — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
“I'm some sort of guinea pig in a home economics crash course for werewolves.” — Kat Kruger Copy Share Image
You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about. — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
“Just as true humour is laughter at oneself, true humanity is knowledge of oneself.” — Alan Wilson Watts Copy Share Image
“Comedians love people to point and laugh at them, even if they are not funny, naturists don't, no matter how funny they… — Roy Station Copy Share Image
“If the weight comes from bacon you can so deduct it off the scale total to get your true weight. #science” — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
“I am a good housekeeper. You can eat off my kitchen floor. Just scoop all the crumbs together and you've got quite… — Janene Murphy Copy Share Image
“The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.” — G.K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Humor in a relationship is so important. Many women will say that. Some say, 'If they can make you laugh, it's the… — Helen Mirren Copy Share Image
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I always wanted to know how long 'forever' was and by looking at some people's relationships, it's around 3 to 4 weeks. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function. — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
“At St. Bernardine’s the nuns never liked me. Especially Sister Mary Bitch-and-a-Half. I think that was her biblical name.” — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
“Nothing creates a bond between people in Africa more quickly than shaed laughter".” — Ryszard Kapuściński Copy Share Image
When you lose your sense of humor, get a job running an elevator, because your life will be a series of Ups… — Napoleon Hill Copy Share Image
“Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble!” — Douglas Coupland Copy Share Image
I love comedy. If I could be a comedian - well, I probably would not take that job because it seems really… — Taylor Momsen Copy Share Image
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up. — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
“Me? I go wherever the wind blows…and wherever the whiskey shots are half price.” — Nicki Elson Copy Share Image
When you do comedy shows, you usually don't finish until about 11 P.M. Then you have this adrenaline dump, and you get… — Ronny Chieng Copy Share Image
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny. — Joe Grant Copy Share Image
You never realize a dog is a man's best friend until you start betting on horses. — Karel Capek Copy Share Image
![“A Murphy [Eddie Murphy] movie is like a Sidney Poitier comedy - he's that intensely good... He revolutionized acting. He's literally black Brando. Before Eddie Murphy, there were two schools of acting for a black actor: Either you played it LIKE THIS or youplayeditlahkdis. He was the first black…” quote by Scott Raab](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/536/scott-raab-19060_acting_a-murphy-eddie-murphy-movie-is-like-a-si_2423987.jpg)
