Humor Quotes · Page 289

“Tragedy is just comedy that hasn’t come to fruition. One day we will laugh at this. We will laugh at everything.”

— Matt Haig

“Wilson? He thinks she goes to see her sister in New York. He's so dumb he doesn't know he's alive.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

“A totally befuddled voter may look at a Vote for McGovern sign and do just that.”

— Hunter S. Thompson

I don't think I'm a funny person in general. I have had to learn comedy.

— Ashton Kutcher

“Remember to remember: sometimes your adversary is your biggest asset. Where would David be without Goliath? Jesus without Judas?”

— Brandi L. Bates

Love is the remedy of all problems, misunderstandings become jokes, insults become humor, a perfect relationship.

— Dielnov Muchati

“This little thing" making a triangle between the three-"ain't gonna fly”

— Wendy Higgins

I don't really think of myself as quirky; I have sort of an unusual sense of humor.

— Kyle MacLachlan

Class never runs scared. It is sure-footed and confident, and it can handle whatever comes along. Class has a sense of humor.…

— Nate

“In the days approaching Christmas, she always reminds me of the previous year: 'Jane crocheted you an entire poncho, and all you…

— Sara Baume

“A daffodil bulb will divide and redivide endlessly. That's why, like the peony, it is one of the few flowers you can…

— Cassandra Danz

A serious warning to all my friends. drinking & driving is extremely dangerous . Sunday evening while driving, My friend took his…

— Amit Verma

“Most will do what’s comfortable because, let’s face it, we all like guarantees. Working a draining 9-to-5 will guarantee that your rent…

— Jayme Karales

“Ben, there are more important things going on,” I answered. “DESIGNATED DRIVER!” “What?” “You’re my designated driver! Yes! You are so designated!…

— John Green

I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue…

— George Carlin

“my academic career was indifferent to the point of beauty- I was so unremarkable, in every way, that the unvarying precision of…

— Mil Millington

I now have a new reason for living. It is my life's goal to make my girlfriend laugh so hard that she…

— Rock Cowles

“Death can come slow. Death can come quick. If you've got one last breath, you better make the most of it.”

— A.H. Scott

“Yes. And also, if it's okay by you, I'd like to shut up now... Or possibly just go somewhere and swallow my…

— Lesley Livingston

I think the combination of action and the combination of comedy are two really, really good genres to meld together.

— Neal H. Moritz

Laughter not time destroyed my voice And put that crack in it, And when the moon's pot-bellied I get a laughing fit.

— William Butler Yeats

“If you can't be a good example then you'll have to be a terrible warning.”

— Suzanne Braun Levine

I think proteins are really good for your brain. And your brain is where comedy comes from.

— Carrie Brownstein

“If you can love cats, you can love human beings, because you have to be able to love them without getting them…

— Chris Kelly

I can't help but wonder what would happen if I removed the USB before my device was ready...

— Anonymous

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

— Natasha Leggero

“Some folks say that you can’t get rid of a problem until you shuck it. So, brother, let’s start shucking.”

— Richard Puz

Black and Mexican jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

— Anonymous

“The size of a man’s understanding may always be justly measured by his mirth.”

— Samuel Johnson

I think it's important to have a sense of humor. You have to be able to laugh at yourself.

— Engelbert Humperdinck

“‪If the overuse of adjectives is frowned upon in writing, why are expletives—the ones commonly used as adjectives—embraced?”

— Carmen DeSousa

PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

— Ambrose Bierce

Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?

— Michelle Wolf

We are targeted when humor is not taken in the right spirit, but that's a part and parcel of this profession.

— Kiku Sharda

If you like a conversational style of comedy, if you like comedy that's a little dangerous, I'm your guy.

— Ari Shaffir

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

— Anonymous

“Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.”

— Bauvard

“The secret to success, in all walks of life, is getting the right people to laugh at your jokes.”

— James J. Rook

“Regardless of what others may tell you, you only need two Mexican-Americans for a Mexican standoff.”

— Alejandra Diaz Mattoni

When you see 'MHN,' you will see that the film is based on relationships which are serious, but there is a sense…

— Sushmita Sen