So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said…

So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll…

— Tim Vine

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

— Tim Vine

Smokin' on the best, graded at the top. Finish up another tour and buy another watch.

— Wiz Khalifa

Someone from Manolo Blahnik went into my shop and said: 'These shoes are not vegetarian.' That's the highest compliment, because you just can't tell…

— Stella McCartney

“The ones I got are all right,’ Jane said; ‘I know they are, because the man at the shop said they were worth thribble…

— E. Nesbit

Someone asked me the other day what my favourite record shop was, and I said YouTube.

— Katy B

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

— Tim Vine

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

— Tim Vine

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone…

— Tim Vine

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I…

— Tim Vine

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

— Tim Vine

A non-analogue image has an extremely compressed life. It starts as this and, in increasingly short time spans, becomes that.

— Roni Horn

We had always used found sound, but we had always used it in an analogue way. And it was the early days of using…

— Stephen Mallinder

Analogue. A part or organ in one animal which has the same function as another part or organ in a different animal.

— Richard Owen

Human history, like all great movements, was cyclical, and returned to the point of beginning. The idea of indefinite progress in a right line…

— Edward Bellamy