Humor Quotes · Page 285

Paranormal reality shows are some of the best unintentional comedy in the history of recorded entertainment.

— Wil Wheaton

“The only way I’d ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard”

— Josh Stern

“You used nunchucks on a moose?" Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. "I used all sorts of things on that…

— Richelle Mead

Maintaining a sense of humor is key to getting people to also focus on the crises at hand.

— Hailey Gates

I've been producing for 13 years. I've made a string of joyful movies with positive messages about comedy, love and romance.

— Drew Barrymore

The humorist has a good eye for the humbug; he does not always recognize the saint.

— W. Somerset Maugham

“The first step towards true enlightenment is to lighten up on yourself.”

— Bashar

To me, I've never understood why there is any question about are women as funny as men.

— Judd Apatow

I think comedy because of the Internet it has a bigger audience, a bigger fan base. It has fans that understand comedy…

— Joe Rogan

“The choir always tittered and whispered all through service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have…

— Mark Twain

“Just like Black Bottom,” Passalos agreed. “Black Bottom?” Leo resisted the urge to jump at the dwarfs’ feet again. He was sure…

— Rick Riordan

This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which…

— Dave Barry

“Geeks are not the world’s rowdiest people. We’re quiet and introspective, and usually more comfortable communing with our keyboards or a good…

— Angela Korra'ti

“Well… Five… I just wanted to say rest in peace. To me you are a dead man… I am ashamed that I…

— David Weaver

Comedy has helped me as a Black woman speak up for myself and not apologize right after, whether it's more money or…

— Michelle Buteau

“This phone," he says finally. "I want this phone." She laughs. "No. S'mine." Janie, I don't think you understand. I want it."…

— Lisa McMann

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.

— Sam Kinison

“Pull the BandAid off a little too fast, and tell 'em what they don't wanna hear.”

— Sam Hyde

“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.” -Voltaire”

— Angela Roquet

“Have you ever been at a point that you don't know what to say? But yet you came up with this crazy…

— Eric Mayes

Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

— Artie Lange

Generosity, to be perfect, should always be accompanied by a dash of humor.

— Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

“Obama's plan for "change": Let's do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn't suck badly enough the first…

— Michel Templet

I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.

— Anonymous

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out…

— Bo Burnham

Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious.

— Clarence Darrow

“Prickly When I'm feeling porcupine-y, I get nasty, I get whiny. Stay away or I might stick you. My sharp words are…

— Laura Purdie Salas

I've always loved the idea of the rookie cop vs. the grizzled veteran. A lot of comedy can be mined from that.

— Jermaine Fowler

There is nothing like a comfortable adventure to put people in a good humor. . .

— Peter Mayle

I mean, I've got a face for comedy. I say that with love. It does its job.

— Roisin Conaty

“To understand women is like to sell mirrors in the city of blind people!”

— Thenten

“I'm thinking there should be a dating site called "Tap That" - Jonathan "Jack" McVoy”

— E.J. Eisman

Always being the outsider, you... feel comfortable everywhere, but you don't really feel at home anywhere. I definitely draw comedy from that.

— Ronny Chieng

“Anna gave me a humoring smile. “Everyone eventually falls for the two of you together. You’re meant to be.”

— S.C. Stephens

Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything.

— Jerry Coleman

“Oh, precious losing streak, you're too cute for your own good. I try to laugh about it but my face is made…

— Casey Renee Kiser

“Ask Gandhi, and eye for an eye makes us both blind…ask an engineer, and the numbers don't lie - the first to…

— Steven Ivy - Attorney Entrepreneur

On American TV, there just aren't a lot of female leads in comedy, especially at the peak of all the Judd Apatow…

— Alia Shawkat

I never shoot for a film telling myself that I have to make people laugh. I can't even do stand-up comedy.

— Rajpal Yadav