What I don't like is snark for snark's sake. If you are going to make fun of me, at least be witty… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they're out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like… — Daven Anderson Copy Share Image
My lines are witty in nature and I love to be surrounded by people who are witty. — Badshah Copy Share Image
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.” — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I used to play Another One Bites The Dust after every conquest. But I'm old now so I'm changing it to Another… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
I got to the stage where I physically couldn't carry on unless I gave comedy a go: it was necessity. — Greg Davies Copy Share Image
“My life," she said dramatically, with her eyes closed, "is one heaping bowl of warmed-over despair, seasoned with equal dashes of aggravation… — Rick Detorie Copy Share Image
It's a lucky kink for comedy writers that particular English obsession and interest with class and social difference. It maybe is not… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
Yet if strict criticism should till frown on our method, let candor and good humor forgive what is done to the best… — Sarah Fielding Copy Share Image
“You're gay!" she shrilled, and he pulled the phone away from his ear. "How in the hell do you know you're gay?"… — Amy Lane Copy Share Image
I never did that badly with women when I wasn't on telly, but it's a bit out of control now. Women try… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
“:Go to hell, Jamie," I said at last, wiping my eyes. "Go directly to hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect… — Diana Gabaldon Copy Share Image
I like to watch and perform the kind of comedy that comes out of the situation - where the character is really… — Judge Reinhold Copy Share Image
There is almost no topic that can't benefit from being talked about in a humorous way. — Rachel Parris Copy Share Image
“I should get points for not saying every dumb thing that pops in my head.” — Susan Bischoff Copy Share Image
To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! — Chad Michael Murray Copy Share Image
“And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.” — Khalil Gibran Copy Share Image
“I'll meet you outside," I said. No way was I actually doing to shout 'I have to pee' at the top of… — Stella Lennon Copy Share Image
“[He] had insisted that inanimate objects couldn't have malignant motivations, but Emma had extensive proof to the contrary.” — Lauren Willig Copy Share Image
If you want to be an actor, you need to learn how to act first, even in sketch comedy. — Nicole Sullivan Copy Share Image
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was handsome I would have exactly one dollar...Thanks mom!!!! — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I'll accept bad taste in a minute, as long as there's some great comedy minds and performances. — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
I have a great pic of my father and Rev. Graham laughing hysterically at some joke with George Pratt Shultz looking on… — Ben Stein Copy Share Image
A great deal of my comedy comes from the trials and tribulations of growing up a big kid in the Boston area. — John Pinette Copy Share Image
Women and Washing Machines are similar in a way, you have to use your hands in their absence. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea. — Jessica Simpson Copy Share Image
“People who come first in class never get good marks in the report card of Life. After all who asks you your… — Laksh Kishore Copy Share Image
“What happens when you pray for an angel and get a vampire instead? R E Mullins” — R E Mullins Copy Share Image
I warn people, your 40s will require massive amounts of humor and humility. — Henry Rollins Copy Share Image
“His brother fell silent again, another oddity for Chad. Several seconds passed. “Bro, all of us are a little fucked up.” “No… — J. Lynn Copy Share Image
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Do you answer a question directly?" "Hard to say. Ah, there, I've done it again” — Leigh Bardugo Copy Share Image
“For a second, I wanted very badly to know a spell that would let me melt through the floor in a quivering… — Jim Butcher Copy Share Image
When times are troubled, SMILE. When disaster threatens, LAUGH. When asked your age, LIE. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I think you were going to stop the Black Plague armed with one guard, one mad scientist, a rubber man, and a… — Caspar Vega Copy Share Image
“I really should be studying now, but you're much more important to me than a .50 calibre machine gun.” — Kara Martinelli Copy Share Image
Burning Ants. As a kid: oh, no! the city of Townsville is on Fire! Now: hey! where are you going!? COME AVENGE… — Nutella Umbrella Copy Share Image
![“[He] had insisted that inanimate objects couldn't have malignant motivations, but Emma had extensive proof to the contrary.” quote by Lauren Willig](https://sms4smile.com/q/i/839/lauren-willig-8632_humor_he-had-insisted-that-inanimate-objects-c_1351223.jpg)
