Jimmy Fallon

I like doing energetic things.

— Jimmy Fallon

I'm not a big baseball fan, to be honest.

— Jimmy Fallon

“Am I a pretty pope?”

— Jimmy Fallon

Listening is more important than talking.

— Jimmy Fallon

You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.

— Jimmy Fallon

I like being absurd. Being silly.

— Jimmy Fallon

Success is… happiness. Is that too Deepak Chopra?

— Jimmy Fallon

I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

— Jimmy Fallon

I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.

— Jimmy Fallon

I got every Dan Shaughnessy book known to man.

— Jimmy Fallon

Sometimes in a movie, the lines are so perfect.

— Jimmy Fallon

Everyone looks so much better when they smile.

— Jimmy Fallon

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.

— Jimmy Fallon

No-one gets beaten to death quite like Hilary Swank

— Jimmy Fallon

“Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.”

— Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds - or…

— Jimmy Fallon

Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1,…

— Jimmy Fallon

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

— Jimmy Fallon

This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone…

— Jimmy Fallon

Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day.…

— Jimmy Fallon

People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was…

— Jimmy Fallon

Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a…

— Jimmy Fallon

It's something I worry about when I'm working out. I don't want to get too fit. Because I don't want the new…

— Jimmy Fallon

Hillary Clinton has a $350 billion plan that she says will make college more affordable. Which has to be better than my…

— Jimmy Fallon

I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume…

— Jimmy Fallon

A man in Georgia was arrested for burglary after he left his Facebook account open on the victim's computer. But this is…

— Jimmy Fallon

This is interesting. Researchers have found that people who drive drunk are more dangerous on the road than drivers who are high…

— Jimmy Fallon

I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I'm just walking around my house, you know, talking like…

— Jimmy Fallon

In a new poll of Democratic voters, presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee came in with zero percent support. Or in other words: We're…

— Jimmy Fallon

Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will…

— Jimmy Fallon

Most kids come home from school. They don't go to their TVs first. They go to the Internet. They check their emails,…

— Jimmy Fallon

Rachel Dolezal stepped down from her position as president of an NAACP chapter after it was revealed that she was a white…

— Jimmy Fallon

I got my shot at the movies. I love doing standup live. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wanted…

— Jimmy Fallon

That's right, Mitt Romney took on Evander Holyfield in a boxing match for charity, and it was a pretty one-sided fight. But…

— Jimmy Fallon

“Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves? Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.…

— Jimmy Fallon

“Ben: You know what's really great about baseball? Lindsey Meeks: Hmm? Ben: You can't fake it. You know, anything else in life…

— Jimmy Fallon

I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed.

— Jimmy Fallon

...Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.

— Jimmy Fallon

Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.

— Jimmy Fallon

Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it.

— Jimmy Fallon