Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse… — Jimmy Fallon Cities Copy Share Image
A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on… — Jimmy Fallon Bird Copy Share Image
Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.' — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a… — Jimmy Fallon Computers Copy Share Image
Hurricane Irene...the storm was huge news. In fact, the Weather Channel reported something they haven't seen in years. Viewers. — Jimmy Fallon Facts Copy Share Image
At a recent education summit, President Obama admitted that he can't rap. When they heard, Americans said, 'Good!' — Jimmy Fallon Education Copy Share Image
A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it's now cheaper to buy a gallon… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
According to a new survey, almost half of the voters in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania say that they do not trust Hillary… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until… — Jimmy Fallon Boo boo Copy Share Image
I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'm just tired of the… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
As gas prices continue to drop, 28 states are now selling regular gasoline for less than $2 a gallon. It's getting cheaper… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After months of negotiations, Iran has finally agreed to reduce its nuclear weapons program. Which was great until Putin showed up and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After President Obama announced his support for net neutrality yesterday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz tweeted that 'Net neutrality is Obamacare for the… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The key to happiness. Hm… There are just so many factors. I think it's just a way of being. It's about… every… — Jimmy Fallon Depression Copy Share Image
The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade. — Jimmy Fallon Birthday Copy Share Image
I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Ben Carson actually lost a tooth. Which explains why he said that under his leadership, Americans would be entitled to 'life, liberty,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Dad Copy Share Image
[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror. — Jimmy Fallon Joke Copy Share Image
Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain. — Jimmy Fallon Brain Copy Share Image
The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he's running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all. — Jimmy Fallon Boston Copy Share Image
Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order:… — Jimmy Fallon Coffee Copy Share Image
It's Friday. That's one reason to celebrate. Also, it's the first day in a long time when no one declared they're running… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds - or… — Jimmy Fallon Baby Copy Share Image
Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1,… — Jimmy Fallon Awareness Copy Share Image
“Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.” — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
This morning my dad called me up and said, 'So, tonight's your last show, huh.' And I said, 'No, Dad, that's someone… — Jimmy Fallon Dad Copy Share Image
Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day.… — Jimmy Fallon Funny valentines day Copy Share Image
I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic. — Jimmy Fallon Attention Copy Share Image
This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs,… — Jimmy Fallon Beer Copy Share Image
People have disliked me. You know, in high school, I wasn't the most popular kid. I wasn't the nerdiest kid. I was… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a… — Jimmy Fallon Computers Copy Share Image
A man in Thailand was arrested with more than 10,000 pairs of stolen underwear. Legal experts are expecting a brief trial. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who'd… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
![“[Writing a joke] there is no team of writers. It's just you in an office, staring at yourself in the mirror.” quote by Jimmy Fallon](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/85e/jimmy-fallon-656_joke_writing-a-joke-there-is-no-team-of-write_3042112.jpg)
