Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer?… — Jimmy Fallon Brain Copy Share Image
Trump is running for president and he's wasting no time getting down to business. In fact, just after his announcement he demanded… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for… — Jimmy Fallon Choices Copy Share Image
Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot.… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In several speeches and interviews, Donald Trump has brought up his book 'The Art of the Deal,' and said that Obama would… — Jimmy Fallon Art Copy Share Image
The pipeline would run from Canada to the Gulf Coast. It'll be the biggest underground structure leading into the U.S. Then people… — Jimmy Fallon Canada Copy Share Image
Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if theres any justice, the minute theyre done building… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama is in China now for an economic summit in Beijing. The president wore a traditional purple silk shirt along with… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A man in Arizona was arrested for stuffing snakes down his pants at a pet store. The good news is when he… — Jimmy Fallon Crime Copy Share Image
According to a new survey, almost half of the voters in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania say that they do not trust Hillary… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until… — Jimmy Fallon Boo boo Copy Share Image
Regis Philbin's back in primetime, hosting 11 new episodes of 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.' But because of Obama's tax plan,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Joe Biden was spotted with a bruise on his face that was apparently caused by his dog. I guess they collided when… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The White House is apparently pushing to create more Latino-themed landmarks. Now that's in addition to our current Latino-themed landmark, California. — Jimmy Fallon California Copy Share Image
A recent study found that people lie more when they are texting. Yeah, especially that one lie: "Sorry, just got your text! — Jimmy Fallon Education Copy Share Image
Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is… — Jimmy Fallon America Copy Share Image
When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.' — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls.… — Jimmy Fallon Apples Copy Share Image
A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the… — Jimmy Fallon Abstinence Copy Share Image
Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they've gotten so used to people trying to break into their house. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Apparently President Obama's favorite cocktail is a martini. When asked how he likes it, he said, 'On the beach, in Hawaii, in… — Jimmy Fallon Beach Copy Share Image
This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and… — Jimmy Fallon Age Copy Share Image
The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my… — Jimmy Fallon Business Copy Share Image
I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must… — Jimmy Fallon Animal Copy Share Image
When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m. — Jimmy Fallon Baby Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going… — Jimmy Fallon Aliens Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put… — Jimmy Fallon Dog Copy Share Image
I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA… — Jimmy Fallon Amtrak Copy Share Image
Scott Walker's campaign slogan is 'Reform. Growth. Safety.' Which is actually similar to Donald Trump's new slogan: 'Mexico. Money. Crazy.' — Jimmy Fallon Campaigns Copy Share Image
