Humor Quotes · Page 271

“Does anyone like a fat old cow?" "Maybe other fat old cows?”

— Allan Dare Pearce

It's funny what funny is, because everyone's style is so different.

— Josh Blue

“If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.”

— Marcy Sheiner

“I'm a peacock Captain! You gotta let me fly!”

— Mark Wahlberg

“You got cats at home?" "No cats. Only a husband.”

— Jhumpa Lahiri

Yeah, absolutely - comedy saved my life.

— Deon Cole

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.

— Bill Bailey

“The hotness of a sex scene lies in the loins of the beholder.”

— J.Leigh Hunter

“I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 different ways to do it wrong.”

— Benjamin Franklin

“Have you noticed how Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen look nothing alike, and yet they both manage to look exactly like their…

— Ken O'Neill

Honestly, one-hour drama is the hardest format there is. I think it's harder than movies, and it's harder than half-hour comedy.

— Alexis Denisof

Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

— Anonymous

From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

— Leonard Bernstein

“When am I going to learn to stop questioning authority and just eat the Soylent Green?”

— Red Tash

The fact that he relies on facts - says things that are not factual - are going to undermine his campaign.

— George W. Bush

I have a head for business and a body for sin. Unfortunately, the sin appears to be gluttony.

— Jenny Colgan

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with…

— Emo Philips

As an actor, I'm attracted to drama; as a director, it's humor - because it's the story of my life, and I…

— Jodie Foster

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on…

— Drew Carey

“You have to humor them you know." Lucile sighed lightly as the door closed. "Men can be boring, but they are necessary.…

— Kate Alcott

Comedy is a game played to throw reflections upon social life, and it deals with human nature in the drawing-room of civilized…

— George Meredith

All people go through moments that are tough, but looking at them through comedy is so fun. You can look at anything…

— Helene Yorke

Charlie Chaplin said something to the effect that humor is an act of defiance, that we must laugh in the face of…

— Doug Stanhope

“I wondered about my inner child. In fact, I was troubled. Did I even have an inner child, I asked myself, given…

— Sol Luckman

I'd like to come back because I really miss doing situation comedy.

— John Goodman

With great power comes great electricity bills.

— Anonymous

People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'

— Bill Bailey

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” “I don’t kid about fucking.”

— Stacey Marie Brown

“It ain't no fun once the rabbit has got the gun.”

— M.G. Hardie

Nothing says regret like the email address you made as a kid.

— Anonymous

Intelligence and humour appeals to different communities.

— Rebecca Root

[Michael] Moore doesn't really use his sense of humor that much.

— P. J. O'Rourke

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

— Groucho Marx

When you laugh you're using the right hand of GOD

— Anonymous

Cashier: 'Have a nice day.' Me: 'Don't tell me what to do.'

— Anonymous

“Contrary to popular belief, "Damn It" is not God's last name”

— Construction wall Philadelphia

Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.

— George Carlin

I think comedy is an angry art form; it's an outsider art form.

— Margaret Cho

“When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”

— Anonymous

I have a pretty sturdy sense of humor.

— Jonathan Roumie