I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
The women doing comedy do not even think of themselves as 'female' comedians. — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
“Whenever I do write a quote, People say, What a nice thought! And I say It's not only a thought, It's a… — Rajendra Singh Solanki Copy Share Image
Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again. — Mike Myers Copy Share Image
“Me and Katy look adorkable in extraterrestrial highway shirts. You would just look stupid. You can thank me later.” — Jennifer L. Armentrout Copy Share Image
If I'm not on tour, I can run down to the comedy club and do a little stand-up. If you're an actor,… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.” — Randy Kagan Copy Share Image
I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes. — Felipe Esparza Copy Share Image
Trying to demonstrate good leadership was not our raison d'etre. We're still just trying to make a comedy. — Brendan Hunt Copy Share Image
“It was written in a red felt marker, and his first thought was that it was from Sarah, though it didn't look… — Todd Young Copy Share Image
When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave… — John Glenn Copy Share Image
Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is-I'm not sure 80 percent of the people get the death tax. I know… — George W. Bush Copy Share Image
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Dating is basically this weird thing where you go out and pretend to be someone you're not until the other person likes… — Kevin Molesworth Copy Share Image
“Writing isn’t necessarily a gift it is a passion. You can write a one page masterpiece to 99 pages of crap. What… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
“My sub doesn't pay for me,” he says, pulling me to my feet. “That just doesn't happen.” “But we ordered so much,”… — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
If I know what something's about, and I can always have that touchstone, I feel like I can reach for really ridiculous… — Scott Snyder Copy Share Image
People of humor are always in some degree people of genius. — Samuel Taylor Coleridge Copy Share Image
It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that? — Monty Python Copy Share Image
