Humor Quotes · Page 268

“My family has a Christmas tradition: Every year, they kill my mom.”

— James Aquilone

I'm a weird guy with a weird sense of humor.

— Steve Lukather

“You can both lose yourself and find yourself in laughter.‎”

— Đơn Giản

“I panicked. I farted. I shrieked in humiliation.”

— Elle Casey

“I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.”

— Bauvard

I find a sense of humor & a deep mind more attractive than looks.

— Amber Rose

Expect not praise without envy until you are dead.

— Charles Caleb Colton

Comedy is a funny business, which you have to take seriously.

— David Jason

“If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.”

— Matshona Dhliwayo

“Well, isn’t this just perfect,” Kyle commented. “We need to go rough up a big bad wolf, and half the pack is…

— Jody Morse

“Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.”

— George Carlin

That awkward moment when people think theyre funny but they are just annoying.

— Anonymous

“Assumptions are the enemy of coherence," Sharine said. In other words, You're an idiot.”

— Nalini Singh

“I brandished my parasol at him like a rapier. "You, sir, are an abominable scalawag of a man, and I'll be damned…

— Susan Dennard

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.

— Jim Gaffigan

“Love is the point where Yes meets Yesterday, and that's why I put the No in Now.
”

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

It's terrible to write what are essentially comedies for people with no sense of humor. Everyone thinks they have a sense of…

— Whit Stillman

“Okay, that's just bull." Aurelia snorted. "You can't be friends with someone you have the fuzzies for. Oh sure you can try,…

— Delia Winters

“Trained in combat?" repeated Harry incredulously. "What does he think we're doing here, forming some sort of wizard army?" "That's exactly what…

— J.K. Rowling

All great humorists are sad... I cannot help seeing beyond the tinsel of humour, and recognising the pitiful basis of jest -…

— H. P. Lovecraft

I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's…

— Bill Bailey

I knew at a young age that I wanted to do comedy, and maybe part of that was trying to fit in…

— Nasim Pedrad

“When the Washington Post telephoned me at home on Valentine's Day 1989 to ask my opinion about the Ayatollah Khomeini's fatwah ,…

— Christopher Hitchens

“(LuAnn) Whatever. That'll teach me not to build my life around a man whose favorite book is Atlas Shrugged . Listen, kid."…

— Abby McDonald

“ALL GLORY TO THE SCIENCE RULES OF SCIENCE!”

— Seanan McGuire

“Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.”

— John Oliver

“...the distance needed for humor is always missing from dreams.”

— Siri Hustvedt

Comedy is a very, very, very stringent business.

— Chuck Jones

“His sniff rips a new piece off my heart.”

— Poppet

“You were supposed to be my wingman, not my freaking kamikaze pilot.”

— Katelin LaMontagne

“My, my, aren't we upper class and therefore faultlessly grammatical.”

— Sharon Green

“I might be old and ugly now, but you started that way, Jack.”

— Regina Sirois

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.

— Natasha Leggero

“A life full of laughter is a life well lived.”

— V.C. Birlidis

“Oh, I’m not objecting, I’d let a confused dishwasher marry us.”

— Brandon Sanderson

Laughter separates us from despair, and gives us a chance at love.

— Craig Ferguson

“I would like it very much if you pulled on something of mine.” Kale”

— Patricia Lynne

Good-humor will even go so far as often to supply the lack of wit.

— Henry Fielding

Comedy is king for me; it's the genre that everyone loves.

— Robert Greenblatt

'Last Man Standing' is overall a lot of comedy. And I love doing that.

— Kaitlyn Dever