Humor Quotes · Page 267

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.

— George Carlin

We are not the center of this funny universe.

— Red Hot Chili Peppers

I gravitate towards anything that has a grain of comedy to it.

— Michael Shanks

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

— Russell Howard

I don't think there's anything outside what comedy can address.

— Steve Coogan

Being on 'Star Trek,' you have a funny relationship with fame.

— Robert Picardo

Celebrate your successes. Find some humor in your failures.

— Sam Walton

Sarcasm:Only witty will enjoy it and the Stupid won't get it...

— Anonymous

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

— Doug Stanhope

I always wanted to give comedy a try and I feel Comedy Classes' is the best platform for that.

— Sara Khan

It's vital to keep a sense of humour when the world seems to have suddenly become a very strange place.

— Michael Grant

“The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I like comedy that's very specific and isn't afraid to lose people through its specificity.

— Josh Gondelman

I really like to do comedy, and I did comedy the first 2 years after I graduated college, so I really love…

— Heather Doerksen

“Don't mind her. She keeps her nose so high in the air, she's liable to drown in a good rainstorm.”

— Sandra Dallas

“That's a shame," said Bert, "to run out of crackers before you've run out of emergency.”

— James A. Owen

“I had never thought much of genealogy. A lot of wasted time collecting the names of the dead. Then stringing those names,…

— Joshua Ferris

“She raised an eyebrow. "I thought I sensed something oddly human about you. From the moment I though it was simply residue…

— Michelle Rowen

Everything in comedy's got to be exactly right, which is why making a comedic film is kind of a difficult process, because,…

— John Cleese

Women always think that I'm Chandler, so if I don't joke around for half an hour, they think that something's wrong. Then…

— Matthew Perry

“Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the former Galactic Empire, life was wild,…

— Douglas Adams

“The monitor presently shows the Windows Blue Screen of Death, though this does not alarm him, as the BSoD is the universal…

— Robert Olen Butler

I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a…

— Ellen DeGeneres

My desire for you grows with each day that passes. I love everything about you. You are a warm, loving, sensitive, beautiful…

— Kemis Khan

I didn't have any plan to go into comedy.

— Matt Berry

You can hit the comedy, but a lot of 'Shrill' is also emotional.

— Lolly Adefope

“Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.”

— Bauvard

“You look like a troll doll, a fucking demented troll doll.”

— Audrey Bell

“Laughter is always good for your soul!”

— Timothy Pina

“I have a shocking memory - I remember everything.”

— Melinda Chapman

Making people laugh is the lowest form of comedy.

— Michael O'Donoghue

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

— Steven Wright

I think everybody would admit that we've got a sense of humor.

— Dusty Hill

“You just kissed me! Why isn't your face melting off?”

— S.L.J. Shortt

I think comedy is something I enjoy, so it comes effortlessly.

— Kriti Kharbanda

“Like Mum and that bastard.” “You mean Da?” “Call him what you like.”

— G.A. Aiken

I've got a tail, its just that my head is on the wrong way.

— Bobbie

“I was born with a reading list I will never finish.”

— Maud Casey

Comedy is very hard, but you have to learn the art and science of it.

— Marlon Wayans

“The right to insult members of the government is inviolable.”

— Georges Clémenceau