P. J. O'Rourke

Writing is agony. I hate it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm certainly not fearful.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Commies love concrete.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a political conservative.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Democrats hate success.

— P. J. O'Rourke

My ignorance is widespread.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Cars would be safer on rails!

— P. J. O'Rourke

I like to argue with the radio.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I didn't see any NRA officials killing babies in Waco...

— P. J. O'Rourke

More modern poetry is written than read.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The young are adept at learning, but even more adept at avoiding it.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I don't watch much television. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I don't know where The Daily Show stand politically, do you?

— P. J. O'Rourke

Bill Maher can be pretty good, except when he gets "important." Maher's all over the place politically.

— P. J. O'Rourke

When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money.

— P. J. O'Rourke

If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Wearing a hat implies that you are bald if you are a man and that your hair is dirty if you are…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Where self-interest is violently suppressed, it is replaced by a burdensome system of bureaucratic control which dries up the wellsprings of initiative…

— P. J. O'Rourke

It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not…

— P. J. O'Rourke

A politician who commends himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Imagine a weight-loss program at the end of which, instead of better health, good looks, and hot romantic prospects, you die. Somalia…

— P. J. O'Rourke

No doubt the ridiculous politicians are right to like politics. They have found careers in which success can be achieved by being…

— P. J. O'Rourke

There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation…

— P. J. O'Rourke

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less…

— P. J. O'Rourke

We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The preamble to the Constitution states: "We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The government is huge, stupid, greedy and makes nosy, officious and dangerous intrusions into the smallest corners of life - this much…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Health care is too expensive, so the Clinton administration is putting a high-powered coporate lawyer - Hillary - in charge of making…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The great majority of Baghdad is a slum - a lot of it's new, but it's still slum. It's usually this concrete-block,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

We print journalists are victims of economic forces beyond our control. We were as surprised as everyone else was by the sudden…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I buy a tractor two years ago, and four-fifths of the tractor manual is about not tipping over, not raising the bucket…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not…

— P. J. O'Rourke