The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
Opinions of language are as interesting as opinions of arithmetic. — P. J. O'Rourke Arithmetic Copy Share Image
Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either. — P. J. O'Rourke Alcohol Copy Share Image
The problem, when comparing contemporary television to television in 1974, is that TV has become not just bad but sad. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You can't get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about… — P. J. O'Rourke China Copy Share Image
I'm 61 years old. I'm not that fearful of the future, period. I'm not going to see that much of it. — P. J. O'Rourke Fear Copy Share Image
We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the… — P. J. O'Rourke Critters Copy Share Image
Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let's hope so. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
People love to be told what they know already. It's not so much that what they say is wrong, though Ann Coulter… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
You start out with Mad magazine, and you go right through the sort of black humor of Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, Mort… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then there's politics. Just imagine politics with its dumbbell element subtracted. There would be no Republican candidates. There would be no Democratic… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It's much better to have your arguments dismissed because you might be joking than to have your arguments dismissed because you're not… — P. J. O'Rourke Argument Copy Share Image
Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever's special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon… — P. J. O'Rourke Agendas Copy Share Image
We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England… — P. J. O'Rourke Bicycle Copy Share Image
The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This… — P. J. O'Rourke Comfort Copy Share Image
All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union. — P. J. O'Rourke Armenians Copy Share Image
Bob Wallace was my editor at Rolling Stone when I first started writing there, and he's a wonderful editor. I was in… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Children live in the only successful Marxist state ever created: the family. 'From each according to his ability, to each according to… — P. J. O'Rourke Ability Copy Share Image
Money is preferable to politics. It is the difference between being free to be anybody you want and to vote for anybody… — P. J. O'Rourke Being free Copy Share Image
Something that comes to us, some gym shoe that comes to us as a result of child labor from a brutal dictatorship,… — P. J. O'Rourke Brutal Copy Share Image
Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking… — P. J. O'Rourke Ashes Copy Share Image
Remember that all tax revenue is the result of holding a gun to somebody's head. Not paying taxes is against the law.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
…the poor of the world cannot be made rich by redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some taxpayers may object to a print journalism bailout on the grounds that it mostly benefits the liberal elite. And we can't… — P. J. O'Rourke Africa Copy Share Image
