The very existence of the bicycle is an offense to reason and wisdom. — P. J. O'Rourke Bicycle Copy Share Image
When you think of the good old days, think one word: dentistry. — P. J. O'Rourke Dentistry Copy Share Image
You've got to understand, people are motivated by fun. And they should be. — P. J. O'Rourke Fun Copy Share Image
The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews. — P. J. O'Rourke Food Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I was never a Democrat. I went from Republican to Maoist and then back again. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things. — P. J. O'Rourke Funny things Copy Share Image
Maybe climate change is a threat, and maybe climate change has been tarted up by climatologists trolling for research grant cash. It… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Fretting about overpopulation, is a perfect guilt-free— indeed, sanctimonious— way for progressives to be racists. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
During the mid-1980s dairy farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government bought and slaughtered 1.6… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Israel is slightly smaller than New Jersey. Moses in effect led the tribes of Israel out of the District of Columbia, parted… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Nothing about economic growth in the United States over the course of the past 40, 50 years, during which time this has… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Funding for the original manned Voyager Mars Program was scratched in 1968, before humans had gotten out of Low Earth Orbit. Mid-'60s… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Think what evil creeps liberals would be if their plans to enfeeble the individual, exhaust the economy, impede the rule of law,… — P. J. O'Rourke Coherent Copy Share Image
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As long as we are on firm moral ground, as long as we're caring about other people, these are legitimate worries. The… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses… — P. J. O'Rourke Ancient Copy Share Image
There's a current notion that you should "take charge of your disease." No thanks. I'm busy. I've got cancer. I'm willing to… — P. J. O'Rourke Blogs Copy Share Image
The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
If we're going to improve the environment, the first thing we should do is duck the government. The second thing we should… — P. J. O'Rourke Bird Copy Share Image
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess… — P. J. O'Rourke America Copy Share Image
When a thing defies physical law, there's usually politics involved. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Every pleasure you forgoe on Earth is a pleasure you won't get in heaven. — P. J. O'Rourke Earth Copy Share Image
![“[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.” quote by P. J. O'Rourke](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/3aa/p-j-o-rourke-184_funny-things_i-m-humorist-i-guess-or-really-more-of-a_1449070.png)
