Humor Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

— P. J. O'Rourke

[ I'm] humorist, I guess. Or really more of a reporter. A reporter who reports on funny things.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

— P. J. O'Rourke

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Humor is a terrific tool for explaining things, especially when what you're explaining is frightening or dull and complicated.

— P. J. O'Rourke

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The dominant type of humor in the '60s was essentially defensive and self-deprecating, using humor as a shield.

— P. J. O'Rourke

You start out with Mad magazine, and you go right through the sort of black humor of Lenny Bruce, Lord Buckley, Mort…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It…

— P. J. O'Rourke

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that…

— P. J. O'Rourke

It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

— P. J. O'Rourke

[Michael] Moore doesn't really use his sense of humor that much.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

— P. J. O'Rourke

It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s.…

— P. J. O'Rourke

If I bring anything to the table, it's the fact that not everybody realizes they're funny. So I just point a finger.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Then Saturday Night Live spawns... well, everything right down to American Pie 9, where all humor has to be irrelevant, which can…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle.

— P. J. O'Rourke

For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."

— P. J. O'Rourke

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

— P. J. O'Rourke

A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll…

— P. J. O'Rourke

To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look…

— P. J. O'Rourke