Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 34

I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe.

— Nikhil Saluja

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself!

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't waste your life living in a $100,000 apartment when you can live under a $15 million dollar bridge.

— Nikhil Saluja

That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

— Nikhil Saluja

I just learned today that bacteria is not the back door of a cafeteria.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never use wet wood in your fireplace. Always let weeping logs dry.

— Nikhil Saluja

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini line Naughty girls wax your nutsack

— Nikhil Saluja

So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck?

— Nikhil Saluja

You are true... when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Girls Walk In A Group Its A Group If Boys Walk In A Group Its A GANG.. !

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing makes me feel more grown up than using Facebook for actual social networking instead of stalking my exes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), People who never get tired of each other because they are always talking about themselves;

— Nikhil Saluja

You are happy... when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Too MANY people ask for the truth, but too FEW can actually handle it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl loves when you go all-in in a poker game. The woman loves when you go all-in in the bedroom.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, Something they say is blind -- it's marriage which is the real eye opener;

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

— Nikhil Saluja

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I know the person talks a lot I avoid using these words: 1) Really? 2) Please explain! 3) Hello.

— Nikhil Saluja

Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish.

— Nikhil Saluja

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

— Nikhil Saluja

All a woman really wants is to know you care. And all of the sandles ever made.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships.

— Nikhil Saluja

You Can Waste It Or Use It For Good! What You Do Today Is Important Because You Are Exchanging A Day Of…

— Nikhil Saluja

Police should arrest people tweeting under the influence of stupidity.

— Nikhil Saluja

My cock got caught in my zipper today…at least that's what I'm telling my wife when she sees the teeth marks on…

— Nikhil Saluja

BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis.

— Nikhil Saluja

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

— Nikhil Saluja