Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: Silent Woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

Salad? Thats what my food eats.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: Funny Female

— Nikhil Saluja

Had a near-life experience.

— Nikhil Saluja

Zoro is Batman of Mexico.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sukc my dikc, aoutocrrtc.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are the love of my twitter

— Nikhil Saluja

That's my dick. Not my arm.

— Nikhil Saluja

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

— Nikhil Saluja

A part of us remains where ever we have been.

— Nikhil Saluja

Was drunk when I wrote that last tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not sexist. Some of my twitter friends are cunts.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 3 and 80, Man is like North Korea: Ruled by nuts'

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't kiss and tell. I beat it and tweet it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Still waiting for a reply from twitter on adding a Stab button.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMUNISM : You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some women need to walk around with a stripper pole to match their outfit.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be a knife-sharpener but I couldn't stand the daily grind.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have something really important to say for the people who think twitter will ever make them famous: LOL!

— Nikhil Saluja

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting;

— Nikhil Saluja

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

5% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just…

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get…

— Nikhil Saluja

If mom was here she would be subtweeting all over the place stuff like : who's gonna buy groceries : who's gonna…

— Nikhil Saluja

I followed you on TWITTER because I'm secretly in love with you and I'm hoping this will help you realize that you…

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, A temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred…

— Nikhil Saluja

I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen…

— Nikhil Saluja

After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a…

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically Converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

— Nikhil Saluja

A couple is married for 47 years and the woman dies. At the funeral, the pallbearers swing the coffin, which hits a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to…

— Nikhil Saluja

They say gay people have gaydar, which lets them figure out who else is gay. Waiters in expensive restaurants have something similar,…

— Nikhil Saluja

How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live…

— Nikhil Saluja

After miraculously surviving two heart surgeries, pneumonia and a mild stroke, at 82 my grandfather was no longer able to care for…

— Nikhil Saluja

I was eating an orange the other day and a friend said, Did you know nothing rhymes with 'orange?' So, I threw…

— Nikhil Saluja

Cuts onion. Onion cries.

— Nikhil Saluja

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

— Nikhil Saluja