Time Quotes by Nikhil Saluja

Humor is sorrow plus time divided by farts.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only time I get shit faced is when I 69.

— Nikhil Saluja

I bring shame to my family one tweet at a time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always take my 2 naps at a time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I think I can fly - time

— Nikhil Saluja

My mobile screen is brighter than my future.

— Nikhil Saluja

The past tense of 'Sex' is 'Marriage.'

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't spend too much time on the bed, only prostitutes can make money there..So wake up!

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.

— Nikhil Saluja

THE AWKWARD MOMENT When you realize you're giving your pen a blowjob...

— Nikhil Saluja

The last time I washed my car was when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cloning seems like a good idea. I'd have much more time to come up with funny tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a guy stares at you for long periods of time, he wishes you were his.

— Nikhil Saluja

Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving'

— Nikhil Saluja

Every time I see 007 get a gadget in an old James Bond movie I'm like, My smart phone has that app.

— Nikhil Saluja

For the 5th time: I don't wanna come to your cat's birthday party Freak! My dog is getting married that day!

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole.

— Nikhil Saluja

I start remembering all the times you told me you loved me and all the moments you took my breath away.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's just something wonderful about a cold, clear winter morning that makes you want to slow down and take time to stop…

— Nikhil Saluja

In time your heart will heal. Have a little faith in your decision, I know it wasn't an easy one for you…

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when you break your friends towel rack trying to wipe shit off of your finger.

— Nikhil Saluja

Time always flies when you're having fun. Actually because time hates you.

— Nikhil Saluja

That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it works!

— Nikhil Saluja

The only time I wish I was a fat guy is when I have to fight a fat guy.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every time someone talks to me today I just start yawning, because fuck what they have to say.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't wait for the perfect moment. Make the moment perfect.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started pooping 10 times a day because it's where I come up with my best tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're not sure if someone loves you or not, stop wasting time they don't.

— Nikhil Saluja

I blow my nose 10 time a day, if my nose were my penis I'd be in heaven.

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when somebody has to explain the tweet they just posted.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook is our past. Twitter is our present. Unemployment is our future.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everytime I find a dead body, I wish it was a pizza. Every time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when it's a 'PICTURE PERFECT MOMENT' and you don't have a camera.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some days I cant stop thinking about you, and other days I wonder why Im wasting my time.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a girl says have fun She means have a horrible time without me. Not true... Maybe!

— Nikhil Saluja

Hard work may pay off in the future but laziness pays off right now!

— Nikhil Saluja