Nikhil Saluja

Breathe if you love me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ignorance is a no-know.

— Nikhil Saluja

When chemists die, they barium.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: Silent Woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

Where do they sell feelings?

— Nikhil Saluja

Broken pencils are pointless.

— Nikhil Saluja

Trust A Few, Fuck The Rest

— Nikhil Saluja

I theoretically love you all.

— Nikhil Saluja

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

— Nikhil Saluja

An Empty Bag will not stand Upright..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Ways of Life : Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.

— Nikhil Saluja

A part of us remains where ever we have been.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Smile is a soundless kind word.!

— Nikhil Saluja

Was drunk when I wrote that last tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Be rich to yourself... and poor to your friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

— Nikhil Saluja

Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving'

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMUNISM : You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some women need to walk around with a stripper pole to match their outfit.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good news guys! I just checked with the bank and I have one fuck left. Any takers?

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be a knife-sharpener but I couldn't stand the daily grind.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have something really important to say for the people who think twitter will ever make them famous: LOL!

— Nikhil Saluja

Every time I see 007 get a gadget in an old James Bond movie I'm like, My smart phone has that app.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't…

— Nikhil Saluja

5% of all hearing loss is a result of sitting in a restaurant next to a table full of women who just…

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get…

— Nikhil Saluja

If you feel more capable than a woman, think of how much effort it takes you to get laid and remember a…

— Nikhil Saluja

If mom was here she would be subtweeting all over the place stuff like : who's gonna buy groceries : who's gonna…

— Nikhil Saluja

I followed you on TWITTER because I'm secretly in love with you and I'm hoping this will help you realize that you…

— Nikhil Saluja

They say childbirth is the most pain women ever experience. Mothers prepare their daughters for this pain by brushing their hair.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, A temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred…

— Nikhil Saluja

A couple is married for 47 years and the woman dies. At the funeral, the pallbearers swing the coffin, which hits a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to…

— Nikhil Saluja

They say gay people have gaydar, which lets them figure out who else is gay. Waiters in expensive restaurants have something similar,…

— Nikhil Saluja

How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live…

— Nikhil Saluja

After miraculously surviving two heart surgeries, pneumonia and a mild stroke, at 82 my grandfather was no longer able to care for…

— Nikhil Saluja

I was eating an orange the other day and a friend said, Did you know nothing rhymes with 'orange?' So, I threw…

— Nikhil Saluja

He who knows not, and knows not he knows not, he is a fool, shun him. He who knows not, and knows…

— Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: She's Smart.

— Nikhil Saluja