Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: Silent Woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: She's Smart.

— Nikhil Saluja

Salad? Thats what my food eats.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oxymoron: Funny Female

— Nikhil Saluja

Had a near-life experience.

— Nikhil Saluja

Zoro is Batman of Mexico.

— Nikhil Saluja

That's my dick. Not my arm.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cuts onion. Onion cries.

— Nikhil Saluja

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

— Nikhil Saluja

A part of us remains where ever we have been.

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not sexist. Some of my twitter friends are cunts.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 3 and 80, Man is like North Korea: Ruled by nuts'

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SECOND, the triumph of hope over experience

— Nikhil Saluja

Steps into shower. Then turns the water on.

— Nikhil Saluja

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

— Nikhil Saluja

Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving'

— Nikhil Saluja

COMMUNISM : You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A condition where no wife gets what she expected, and no husband expected what he was getting;

— Nikhil Saluja

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

— Nikhil Saluja

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Girl will fake an orgasm. The woman won't stop until it's real.

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get…

— Nikhil Saluja

If mom was here she would be subtweeting all over the place stuff like : who's gonna buy groceries : who's gonna…

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, A temporary insanity curable by marriage or the removing of the patient from the influences under which he or she incurred…

— Nikhil Saluja

After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a…

— Nikhil Saluja

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion…

— Nikhil Saluja

My boss fired me from job today. Unfortunately I need you to impress our clients never means making jokes about them on…

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint…

— Nikhil Saluja

I had a bully as a kid. He was dyslexic, so he used to stick Me Kick signs on my back. Then…

— Nikhil Saluja

A couple is married for 47 years and the woman dies. At the funeral, the pallbearers swing the coffin, which hits a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Alex Rodriguez never gets clutch hits in October, yet his fans insist on comparing him to Babe Ruth. So A-Rod tries to…

— Nikhil Saluja

They say gay people have gaydar, which lets them figure out who else is gay. Waiters in expensive restaurants have something similar,…

— Nikhil Saluja

How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain What's His Name? We live…

— Nikhil Saluja

After miraculously surviving two heart surgeries, pneumonia and a mild stroke, at 82 my grandfather was no longer able to care for…

— Nikhil Saluja

I was eating an orange the other day and a friend said, Did you know nothing rhymes with 'orange?' So, I threw…

— Nikhil Saluja

RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.

— Nikhil Saluja

It takes nipples to be a Boob.

— Nikhil Saluja