Funny Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Australian language is easier to learn than boat talk. It has a vocabulary of about six words.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

— P. J. O'Rourke

There are a lot of mysterious things about boats, such as why anyone would get on one voluntarily.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch.

— P. J. O'Rourke

There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation…

— P. J. O'Rourke

El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief -…

— P. J. O'Rourke

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have…

— P. J. O'Rourke

It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter.…

— P. J. O'Rourke

There was also a hunger strike in front of the National Press Club, which seemed an odd place to have a hunger…

— P. J. O'Rourke

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking…

— P. J. O'Rourke

If a journalist shows a facility for praise he's liable to be offered a job in public relations or advertising and the…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being…

— P. J. O'Rourke

West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as…

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance,…

— P. J. O'Rourke

Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or…

— P. J. O'Rourke

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists.

— P. J. O'Rourke

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.

— P. J. O'Rourke

If Disney still wants to make Epcot Center futuristic, they could do so by blowing the place up with an atom bomb.

— P. J. O'Rourke

My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy.

— P. J. O'Rourke

East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting.

— P. J. O'Rourke

The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

— P. J. O'Rourke

In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living.

— P. J. O'Rourke

I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.

— P. J. O'Rourke