Writing this book required an enormous amount of help from friends. To them goes the credit. I'll take the money. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborgini to the Gran Prix track to watch the charter buses race. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A dugout is much superior to a conventional manufactured canoe because you can get soaking wet without bothering to capsize it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'm here as a radio journalist but am not even sure which part of a tape recorder takes the pictures. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner." — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The day was warm and clear. Kids were playing soccer in the parking lots and women were sunning their babies and having… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Generally it's not a good idea to wear Banana Republic - type khaki journalist clothes in a war zone. You might look… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
One of these suburbs is actually named Stalingrad, which goes to show that the French have learned nothing about politics since they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It had never occurred to us that the Kremlin's new anti-booze campaign would apply to journalists. Now, that's a human-rights violation. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Imagine having journalists in your own home and not even covering the furniture with plastic sheets first. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It's the squares who know how to fly the fighter planes and operate the missiles and the bombs and work the M-16s.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There was an austerely dignified award ceremony. By that I mean we had to buy our own drinks - in clear violation… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief -… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Liberals have a quaint and touching faith that truth is on their side and an even quainter faith that journalists are on… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley! — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
For toddlers I suggest leaving their mittens on year-round, indoors and out. That way they can't get into aspirin bottles, liquor cabinets,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Australia is not very exclusive. On the visa application they still ask if you've been convicted of a felony - although they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
Something that comes to us, some gym shoe that comes to us as a result of child labor from a brutal dictatorship, where people… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
Russians not only vehemently despise blacks, they believe Africa begins at the Ukraine border. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share
