Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 33

If I ask to suck your boobs when I wake up, does that count as sleeping like a baby?

— Nikhil Saluja

I showed my therapist some of my tweets and now she's seeing a therapist.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE. Woman means:I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

— Nikhil Saluja

God gave us the miracle of life - sustaining water, & we turned it into Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi & Vodka. Good job, Morons.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cocks are a lot like ovens. You would rather a woman was operating it but sometimes you have to use it yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are strong... when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A legal custom which turns a man into the captive audience of his wife;

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wear high heels to work Bad girls wear high heels to bed Naughty girls make you wear high heels

— Nikhil Saluja

I think that a man with a helmet defending his country should make more money than a man with a helmet defending…

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes We ignore the obvious because we get too caught up in being hopeful.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a husband can determine when his wife comes to the end of one argument and begins the next;

— Nikhil Saluja

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Technology: Pee on the iPhone 5, it turns pink if you're pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A process much like a cafeteria -- you carefully look over the choices, select what looks the best -- and pay…

— Nikhil Saluja

He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation perfectly delightful.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm bored. Maybe I should leave the house and check twitter from somewhere else.

— Nikhil Saluja

Something really shocking just happened. I walked past a group of girls & they weren't talking about me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall?

— Nikhil Saluja

I saw the most beautiful moving painting at the art gallary the other day, but then I realized it was a mirror...

— Nikhil Saluja

MIRAGE, Another, and probably more precise way, to spell marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

— Nikhil Saluja

These people are harassing me badly, they said they'll cut…… if I don't pay my phone bill on time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? Woman means:We haven't had a fight in a while.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Is a book in which the first chapter is written in poetry and the rest of the book is prose;

— Nikhil Saluja

A relationship with God is the most important relationship you can have. Trust him and everything will always turn out fine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pray like it all depends on God, Work like it all depends on you..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Some day, you will trust me again...but for now, I'm sorry that our love had to end.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to…

— Nikhil Saluja

I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

— Nikhil Saluja

The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics;

— Nikhil Saluja