Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 25

Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

— Nikhil Saluja

1813 Women have no rights. 1913 Women fight for some rights. 2013 Women are always fucking right.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

That moment when you have to beg yourself to stop crying and tell yourself, 'Be Strong'

— Nikhil Saluja

I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age.

— Nikhil Saluja

Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're going to act like a pussy, you should at least dress like one... Here I bought you the smallest dildo…

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain.

— Nikhil Saluja

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

— Nikhil Saluja

She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance;

— Nikhil Saluja

Every year, I start to realize how stupid I was the year before.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

— Nikhil Saluja

Million dollar idea: A smart phone that doesn't receive phone calls.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't have anger issues, I have issues with idiots who make me angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.

— Nikhil Saluja

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

PRAISE, Something which, if directed to your wife, will lighten your marriage -- even if it frightens her at first.

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

— Nikhil Saluja

When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a Lizard. Just so I can finally hear a women say Oh…

— Nikhil Saluja

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they…

— Nikhil Saluja

Prefix: What a man does just before his wife calls the plumber. Or electrician, mechanic ...

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife nearly crashed the car today. Thankfully I remembered to hide the keys.

— Nikhil Saluja

Expectoration: If you go to a political rally, you should EXPECTORATION.

— Nikhil Saluja

Actual warning printed on the bottom of a package of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert : Do not turn upside down.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a mind reader, your unspoken words doesn't tell me anything at all.

— Nikhil Saluja

The thing I admire most in my girlfriend is her brains and the way that each of them has an attractive nipple…

— Nikhil Saluja