Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 23

Being at home with loved ones all week has shown me how much I miss my miserable job.

— Nikhil Saluja

If only forgetting a person was as easy as forgetting why I open the fridge...

— Nikhil Saluja

It's so important to wake up and immediately start starring shit. Stupid Twitter ruined my poo time!

— Nikhil Saluja

When money grows on trees, you can bet there's a lot of grafting going on.

— Nikhil Saluja

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants…

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't fall for lines like, God protects his servants in the clergy from harm.

— Nikhil Saluja

All women are witches, but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will probably spare you from black…

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, Don't worry - if you haven't found the man of your dreams yet, there's always a vibrator.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, HENPECKED, A man who always consults his better half instead of his better judgement;

— Nikhil Saluja

My condolences on all the small talk you must endure because of your desk's proximity to the elevator.

— Nikhil Saluja

A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush.

— Nikhil Saluja

MOVIE STAR, a Hollywood resident who cannot live in the institution of marriage -- but doesn't mind frequent visits

— Nikhil Saluja

Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House?

— Nikhil Saluja

There's no place like home. Especially when we're talking about The best place to take a shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

— Nikhil Saluja

School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hey that's not fair! - A dumb bitch realizing she got bad directions to the fair.

— Nikhil Saluja

There is nothing like love in this world unless you experience it.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are brave... when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm happy I didn't belong to generation when people used gun powder to grow guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, The one person who in an argument, if you win -- you lose;

— Nikhil Saluja

Broken hearts, love's deceit, pieces fall down to my feet. Broken promises, love's a lie, puddles form from the tears I cry.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week..

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't wanna discuss about it - People who want to discuss about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter

— Nikhil Saluja